The Dr. Hook / Wrestling Connection (Flashback)

A/N: This is old!  Very old. I wrote it back in 2003 and just rediscovered it on one of my old sites.  All the grammatical errors and the entire style… oh vey!  But as dated as it is, it made some interesting observations and I’ve decided to share it once more.  I should attempt to do a modern 2020 comparison, but we’ll have to wait and see on that.  Just read, enjoy and hopefully chuckle a little bit.  Thanks for reading. I’m also including the video of the song at the end.

Ubuntu!

The Dr. Hook / Wrestling Connection 9/22/03

I was listening to an old Dr. Hook album last night (what other kind are there?) and one of the songs, “Freakers Ball” is, I have determined all about the current day WWE (and to a lesser extent – WCW and ECW. This song was written in 1974 by the band Dr. Hook and Shel Silverstein – but when you hear the lyrics – you think WWE Ruthless Aggression. I decided to go over it, line by line and explain why!

Freakers Ball by Dr. Hook

Well, there’s gonna be a freakers ball (Kane and Hurricane called themselves freaks)
tonite at the freakers hall (any venue where wrestling is held)
and you know you’re invited, one and all (be there!)
come on baby, grease your lips (an obvious reference to Regal using chapstick before kissing McMahon’s ass and joining the VMKMAC!)

grab your hat and swing your hips (JR’s trademark is his hat. Swinging hips – just watch any diva or Rico walk)
and don’t forget to bring your whips (Shaniqua)
we’re going to the freakers ball (Be there)

blow your whistle, bang your gong (Whistle – anyone remember Bill Alfonso from ECW? GOng – most of the recent WWE storylines look like rejected bits from the Gong Show!)
roll up something to take along (RVD reference)
it feels so good, it must be wrong (wrestling is considered by many as a “guilty pleasure”)
we’re freaking at the freakers ball (be there)

where all the fags and the dykes (could be Rico, could be Chuck & Billy – on the dyke side – an obvious reference to HLA)
they’re boogying together (The Boogie Knights once held the WCW tag titles)
leather freaks are dressed in all kinds of leather (Shaniqua)
the greatest of the sadist and the masochist too (Anyone crazy enough to step into a wrestling ring)
screaming please hit me and I’ll hit you (Mick Foley & Brock Lesnar)

The FBI are dancing with the junkies (Full Blooded Italians hanging out with Jeff Hardy, Grandmaster Sexay, RVD to name but a few)
all the straights are swinging with the fogeys (Can’t get no straighter than Stone Cold – fogeys is an obvious reference to Mae & Moolah)
across the floor and up the wall (Just watch Rey Mysterio wrestle)
we’re freaking at the freakers ball, ya’ll (be there)
we’re freaking at the freakers ball (ditto)

everybody’s kissing each other (Lance Storm kissed Miss Jackie on RAW last week)
brother with sister, son with mother (Shane and Steph — Beaver and Mrs. Cleavage)
smear my body up with butter (Annual Thanksgiving Gravy Bowl match)
take me to the freakers ball (Be there)

pass that roach please and pour the wine (RVD reference – La Resistance were drinking wine on RAW a few weeks ago)
I’ll kiss yours if you kiss mine (anyone remember Goldust and Luna french kissing on an old episode of RAW)
I’m gonna boogie till I go blind (The Disco Inferno was all about Boogie – and Jimmy Valiant was the boogie woogie man and he’s in the WWE Hall of Fame ; as far as the blind thing – when has a referee ever seen a dubious act or misdeed take place?)
we’re freaking at the freakers ball (be there)

white ones, black ones, yellow ones, red ones (WWE has always had a large international assortment of Superstars)
necrophiliacs looking for dead ones (Two words – Katie Vick)
the greatest of the sadist and the masochist too (You have to have a sadistic or masochistic streak to do this stuff)
screaming please hit me and I’ll hit you (Jamie Noble takes alot of bumps – so does Zach Gowen.. Scott Steiner and Goldberg are extremely stiff and cause alot of bumps (and bruises)!).

everybody’s falling in patches (Kane fell into a burning dumpster)
pyromaniac’s striking matches (after he set it on fire)
I’m gonna itch me where it scratches (Kidman’s finishing move used to be called the 7 year itch)
freaking at the freakers ball (be there)
yeah we’re freaking at the freakers ball. (be there)

So, my theory now is that all the WWE booking is done by the so-called Creative minds using song lyrics to come up with Booking ideas. That why sometimes it’s good – and sometimes – it’s not. Never underestimate the power of music. Well, I’ve given everyone something to think about – so.. until next time.

Later all…

-Doug

man smoking cigarette
Photo by Marcelo Moreira on Pexels.com

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