Questions By Casper # 39…

Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper #39
September 7, 2020

Over in the world of Twitter, I found a man that likes to ask questions. And I do mean a lot of them. His name is Tyler “The Ghost” Casper and he’s at @tyler_casper. A good guy that you should go check out. Now, as I was saying, he likes to ask questions. I like to answer them and it provides content for the site. So here we are. Every few days, I go down his feed and copy the inquiries he’s asked. And then it’s here for the answers. It’s insightful, thought-provoking, and hopefully entertaining for you, the reader, as well. So let’s can the chit chat and let’s do this. Are you ready? And away we go…

What is your favorite portable lunch food?

What is a “portable lunch food”? Something you can eat on the go, I assume. So I’ll go with whatever I get from the drive-thru at Burger King (if I have coupons). Probably a Whopper or Chicken Sandwich and fries.

What is your favorite portable dinner food?

Same as the answer to the lunch question. Eating on the go means fast food and whoever I have coupons for.

What is your favorite portable breakfast food?

Steak biscuits and fries from Bojangles or a sausage, egg & cheese croissant from Burger King (no coupons needed).

Do you pray before you eat every meal?

It depends on who the cook is.

Do you pray the Rosary every day?

That’s more of a Catholic thing and I’m not Catholic. I do pray every day though for the strength to keep on keeping on.

If you had a prehistoric animal spirit guide, what do you think it would be?

With my luck, probably a brontosaurus. Big and gentle, but dumb as a rock.

If you could be any prehistoric animal, what would it be?

A Triceratops. I like the horn.

Describe what you see in your mind’s eye when someone says “Peaceful Protester”…

Looting, buildings being set on fire, large groups of thugs screaming and destroying everything in sight, and then playing the victims.

If you could see any prehistoric animal in person, what would it be?

Dinosaurs are cool. Who doesn’t want to see the dinosaurs?

If you could relive any day of your life, what day would it be?

There was a day many years ago that myself and Chris spent at Pine Acres. It was the first time we ever got together and it was magic and sealed the deal so far as my feelings for him. Little did I know what was to come in the years that followed, but that night was perfect.

What is the name of the worst hotel you’ve ever stayed at?

A place in Greensboro, NC called the Microtel. The walls were paper-thin and the motel was occupied by hookers who were coming and going all night. It was an experience and I was there for several weeks. Scotland Inn here in Laurinburg has had it’s moments too, with arguments and fighting just outside the room door, drunks, and all sorts of odd people milling around and hanging out. I still go there at times to hide away from the world for a few hours (and get shit-faced drunk), but that’s only because it’s cheap and no one will look for me there.

What is the name of the best hotel you’ve ever stayed at?

On a regular basis, it’s Pine Acres here in Laurinburg. It’s not fancy, but it’s clean and I spent many weekends there over the years as I was growing up. Lots of good memories with some amazing people. Aside from that, it was a place in Wilmington when I went there for Dairy Mart back in mid-99. Can’t remember the name, but the place was really good, clean, and I had some fun times.

Have you ever been snowboarding?

No, I have not.

Do you own a leaf blower?

Do I look Mexican to you? I’m just kidding! Actually, yes we do. I think there is one in the storage building. But I don’t do yardwork or outside so what would I know?

Do you own a snowblower?

A coke-head? Nah, I just say no.

Do you have a riding lawnmower?

No, we do not have that or any lawnmower for that matter. That’s why we pay Dustin every two weeks to come by. He does the yard stuff and we just enjoy the benefits.

Are you part of a retweet group?

Not that I’m aware of. I retweet what I like and want, nothing that anyone suggests or tells me to. I’m a free elf.

If the 2020 presidential election were held today, would you vote for?

Our President, Donald J. Trump. Anyone who would vote for Biden & Harris would have to be absolutely insane.

What kind of shopping do you hate doing?

Clothes shopping is the worst. And any shopping that involves having to deal with people. Thank goodness for online and the internet.

What kind of shopping do you like to do?

Online and maybe looking for books. That’s always fun and cool.

Do you think of yourself as a loner?

I’m a loner who both loves and hates people. I value my friend and wish I was able to chill with my bro-son and a couple of others more often, but I also get anxious and tense up at the very thought of being around anyone. So yeah, I guess loner fits.

If you wash dishes by hand, do you wash the outside as well as the inside of the dish?

I wash ALL of the dishes, inside and outside, as we all should. Otherwise, it’s not really clean and hasn’t been truly washed.

Do you think there should be an age limit for people to be driving?

It all depends on the person and that’s a question that shouldn’t be given a blanket answer. How about, at age 70, you’re required to take a test on driving skills and reflexes, repeated every two years, to determine if you can drive or not. That would eliminate most of the problem older drivers. And maybe an IQ test for the rest of us, starting at age 18 and repeated every 5 years. If you’re a dumb-ass, you don’t drive.

What is your favorite candy bar that isn’t made anymore?

Marathon candy bars. Look them up. Good stuff that was hell on the teeth.

Do you slow down when passing someone who’s been pulled over to see if you know them?

Hell yeah. I’m just as nosy as everyone else and this is a small town. I want to see what’s going on.

Do you believe the landing on the moon actually happened or was it a hoax?

It’s just as real as Bigfoot, journalism, and Jake from State Farm.

What is something you’d never admit to have happened to you?

If I told you, I’d have to kill you. There are some things that we just don’t talk about in public.

What do you think would happen to the crime rate if we went by the “Eye for an Eye” methodology?

We sure as hell wouldn’t be having any “peaceful protests” in Seattle, Portland, and Minneapolis. That’s for sure.

Have you ever been strip-searched at an airport?

No, and I even asked for it. I like the feel of a man’s rough hands exploring my nether-regions for unidentified objects of destruction. Bring it on, big daddy!

Have you ever seen a triple rainbow?

Three gay men walk into a bar… and there you go. Taste the rainbow bitches!

What do you do when you get blamed for doing something you didn’t do?

Make a note of it. I’ll get to it eventually. Just kidding. I consider the source and then make my decision as to what the appropriate action would be immediately afterwards.

Do you believe in UFOs?


Do you believe in ETs?

Absolutely. I’ve never actually watched the entire movie, but I’ve seen enough clips to know that the movie existed.

Scenario: Your house is on fire, do you save the 3 lbs of bacon you just cooked up or the family goldfish?

I just grab my cat and go from there. Damn the bacon and what goldfish?

Do you have a fire escape plan in place at home?

Yeah, grab the cat and get the hell out.

And there you go. My thanks for reading and thanks to Casper for the great questions. Any comments, thoughts, comments, or questions about this piece or anything at all, feel free and drop me a line and let’s chat. And with that, I’m out of here. Take care of yourself and watch out for the crazies. I’ll see you at the movies.


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