A Day Of Dougie: Black Friday, Ernie & Coming Out…

Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Black Friday, Ernie & Coming Out
April 15, 2021
DougMaynard.com

It’s 5:30 in the morning. Why am I awake? Who knows, but since I’m semi-alert and have nothing else to do, I may as well write something, right? And so I shall and here you go. Guess what day it is? It’s a Day of Dougie. All together now. Yay!

But what shall I write about? Have no fear because I have that covered. The infamous “Magic Bag” is always available to draw random topics of discussion from and I’ll do that in just a moment. But first, I have some good news. No, I didn’t inherit 438,000,000 bucks from a mystery uncle. But I have been cleared to go back to work. As my regular readers know, I’ve been dealing with some issues in my foot for the past few months and it’s been a rough ride. Two surgeries, almost two weeks in the hospital, limited mobility, and a hell of a lot of pain. I tried going back to work a couple of times earlier, but the pain and infection in the bone inside my foot hampered that and the earlier attempts faltered pretty quickly. But the third time is the charm and I start back on Monday. Not a full schedule at first, but we’re going to play it by ear and see how it goes. I have to note here how amazing and great my employer has been in working with and looking out for me. Above and beyond and I am very grateful. So to all my ABC peeps, I’m back bitches! Let’s get liquored up.

I’m not out of the woods yet though. I still have foot issues and a big hole in the bottom of my foot, plus an infection inside the bone in my foot. Yeah, it’s not pretty, but the antibiotics are helping and the people today at the Wound Center mentioned something they want to maybe try if I’m willing and if my insurance will cover it. Six weeks, five days a week, two hours a day, of being in a Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber. Yeah, that’s the same thing that Michal Jackson allegedly used to sleep in except for no small kids or monkeys allowed. We’ve got to do some tests and check with my insurance company to see if this is feasible, but it’s on the list now and it could be interesting. I’ll let you know how it goes.

And now, let’s get to the Magic Bag and see what I will be writing about this morning? And the topics are Black Friday, Ernie, and Coming Out. A good variety of topics that won’t take too long to knock out. So are you ready? Let’s do this.

Black Friday…

Traditionally, that’s the day after Thanksgiving where people go to stores, get great deals on stuff, and act like idiots and like they had no upbringing. Lines start forming the night before at retail outlets and then the business opens early and people fight and show their inner-moron while I am home, asleep in my bed and dreaming sweet dreams of Juvi, Jack Daniels, and that damn cat of mine. No, I don’t do Black Friday. I have in the past a few times when my friends wanted to and there some item that they had to have and it was all-hands-on-deck, prepare for combat, military-style tactics at far too early in the morning. But after a couple of these adventures, I learned to bail and say no. I might give it a try this year coming up because I have a cane now and can rap people in the head with it, the pencil neck geeks, but then again, maybe not. We’ll see. But Black Friday is a big shopping day that brings out the inner-demon spawn in everyone. It’s just like being in Minneapolis or Detroit. Let’s move on.

Ernie…

I know an Ernie. Two of them actually, but only one was a real person. The other, we all know, from our youth and watching Sesame Street as he (Ernie) indulged in a very odd, peculiar relationship with his “best friend” Bert. No, they’re not gay. wink-wink. The other Ernie was a friend of my sisters who she chilled with, drank with, etc, until his passing a few years ago. They were neighbors and became friends and he was a cool old dude. He developed dementia and that, along with his alcoholic tendencies, meant that we didn’t get to have him around as long as we would have liked, but he and Lynn were good friends. She cared for him and we were all better off for having known him. He had his ways. That’s for damn sure, but he made an impact. Rest in peace Ernie. You are missed.

And finally, the big one.

Coming Out…

I don’t think I ever actually really came out as gay. I just kind of went about my life in my own Dougie fashion and instead of pushing it aside and not denying, but not acknowledging it, I just sort of moved into it and embraced my inner-gay until it wasn’t inner and just sort of was. Does that make sense? It was the late 80’s and early ’90s and I was popular, sociable, funny, and a bit twisted. I was part of a great crowd and while I didn’t date women, it wasn’t about dating or sex or any of that. And as I became more comfortable with myself, I just started being more open and nonchalant and there you go. Oh yeah, I’m gay and it was out there and never a big deal. Even with my homophobic redneck friends, they’d talk shit about the “fags” and then we’d go out and I’d be staying at their homes and sleeping on the bed next to them, no big deal. I wasn’t a fag. I was Dougie. And that’s how it has always been for me. My name is Doug and I just happen to be gay. It’s a part of me, but not my whole identity and not all of who I am. And it’s not a big deal. If you’re a guy, I’m probably going to check you out and if you’re around me for any significant length of time, I’ll probably hit on you or make some inappropriate remarks at some point, not because I’m gay, but because I’m twisted and awesome like that. And if it leads to anything else, great. If it doesn’t, that’s cool too. And by the way, pull up those damn pants. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, no big coming out story here. If you know me and all you see is a gay dude, you’re missing out on a hell of a lot. That’s just part of the fringe benefits. But I am who I am and that’s close enough for me.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. I guess it’s time to close this bad mama-jama up and go try and sleep for a little bit before everyone else gets up and starts moving around. For some reason, it’s hard to write and think when people are hovering over you and constantly talking. Maybe it’s just me? Who knows? But for now, this is the end. I’ll be back later today with more stuff. Have a great day, stay safe, and strive to make today and every day a Day of Dougie. You’ll be glad you did.

Ubuntu!

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