A Day Of Dougie: Boogers, Baby Pigs, and Dad & The Dentist…

Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Boogers, Baby Pigs & Dad & The Dentist
June 10, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Good morning and welcome to a very special edition of “A Day Of Dougie”. “And why is it a very special edition?”, you ask. Because this is the first “Day Of Dougie” I’ve written since mid-March. Yeah, I’ve been slacking. But I’ve had good reason. Lack of time and patience. Every single day, it’s another doctor appointment of some type, and then throw in working a full-time job, looking after my fur-babies, doing my volunteer stuff, trying to have a social life of some type, dealing with family matters, and just freaking hurting all the time, and writing a rambling piece about some random matter or item just doesn’t seem all that important. But it is important and it’s what I do. And since I’m up early this morning and already showered and dressed for my daily appointment in the Oxygen Chamber, why not do it now? Sounds like a plan to me so… let’s do this.

So what is on the agenda for my morning rant? I could talk politics and the absolute joke of a Vice-President that we currently have, Kamala Harris. She’s a laughing clown who is way over her head, but that’s what you get when a person is chosen for their job due only to their race and gender, with no consideration of actual qualifications, of which she has none. I think the only reason that the Republicans haven’t tried to start impeachment proceedings against President Pedo Joe, clearly of which he’s deserving of, is that if the brain-dead, walking eggplant is removed from office, the laughing hyena would be next in line and she’s even more dangerous and less qualified than the child-whisperer is. Yeah, our country is fucked! But that’s what 80,000,000 people wanted, right? (Rolls eyes). Yeah, we’re fucked.

But enough on that. If I continue to talk about “Heels Up” Harris, someone will probably end up calling me a racist because that’s what the haters do when they don’t have a legit argument and they know I’m right, but I’ve hurt their feelings. They can’t argue so use the race card instead and talk about “white privilege” and how hard we’ve worked to hold everyone down. And to everyone who tries to use that race card and point it in my direction, two words for you (and any fan of Degeneration X can tell you exactly what they are!). Now, what was I saying?

Back to the original conception for this novel novelette. It’s a Day of Dougie so I go get the infamous “Magic Bag”, dust it off, and pull out three topics at random, and then with the subject matter at hand, I write. Doesn’t that sound like a plan? So where is my bag at? We have it now and the topics for today are, drum roll please, Boogers, Baby Pigs, and Dad & The Dentist. Okay, they can’t all be winners, but maybe this one will be fin. Let’s go for it and see what happens.

Boogers…

What is there to say about the nose-poop that blocks our breathing and clogs up our nostrils that hasn’t been said yet? I’m actually drawing a blank here, but I do remember a joke I heard once. What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers? Kids won’t eat broccoli. Yeah, go ahead and groan. That was pretty bad, but I’m reaching here.

I just remembered something. Saying “booger” was what caused Dr. Johnny Fever of WKRP In Cincinnati fame, to be fired from his previous job before coming to WKRP. And when WKRP switched to a rock & roll format, the first words that Fever said on the air was, “Booger”. I love classic television sitcoms.

And I remember a boy from my school days, back in 5th grade. I think his name was Kenny, but I’m not sure about that. 5th grade was a long time ago. But he always had boogers hanging from his nose and that shit was bright green, almost a neon color. It was disgusting. I hadn’t thought of that or him in years and now, all I can picture in my head is that guy and his toxic-green hanging boogers. Wow! Thanks a lot, Magic Bag. Let’s move on before I get sick.

Baby Pigs…

They talk with a British accent, have annoying older sisters, fall down on the ground when they laugh, cry a lot, and like dinosaurs. And that’s all I have to say about that. Here’s to you, George. Let’s move on and wrap this up because I’m running out of time.

Dad & The Dentist…

When my brother and I were small kids, my Dad would always volunteer to help Mom out by taking us to our annual dentist appointments. Just being a good father, right? Well, he confessed to me when I got older that there was a reason that he didn’t mind these trips. And guess what it was? After we’d leave the dentist’s office, especially if we had just had a cavity filled, he’d always take us to Hardees. And being typical small kids, we’d get hot dogs. And he would sit and laugh at us trying to eat a sloppy hot dog while our mouths were numb from the visit to the dentist. We couldn’t feel our mouths or talk and we’d be trying to eat hot dogs anyhow and Dad would just sit and smirk and laugh his ass off. It’s funnier than it sounds and we’d generally end up with hot dog and ketchup and chili all over our faces and clothes and he would just be grinning and laughing at us. I think my Dad had a slightly twisted and sadistic sense of humor. That must be where I got it from. But I’ll never forget those days and those memories. And I’ll never forget my Dad. I love you Dad.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions you may have, feel free and drop me a line. Until the next time, take care of yourself and be safe and always remember to make every day a good one, a Day of Dougie. I’ll catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!

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