Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Ostrich Farms, Sixty Minutes & Loud Mouths
June 23, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Good morning. I have roughly twenty-five minutes to spare before I have to leave and go do that damn Oxygen Chamber thing at the Wound Center. For those of you that don’t know, I had an infection in my foot and while it’s been taken care of for the most part, there is still infection in the bone. The only ways to treat this are antibiotics, which didn’t work, surgery to remove the bone, which could result in the loss of my foot, or two hours a day, Monday through Friday, laying in a glass tube sucking in pure Oxygen. Guess what I’ve been doing for the past month? And we’re only about halfway through. It’s annoying, time-consuming, and I dread it each and every day that I have to make this trip, but better than the alternative, right? And then after the treatment, it’s off to work and to proceed with the rest of my day. Yay, what fun. So if you ever wonder why I don’t write as much as I used to, that’s the reason. Just like the rabbit in the Alice in Wonderland story, I have no time. And I’m rambling and time is quickly fleeting so let me quit with the mini-novel and get busy. It’s time for a Day of Dougie.

Where is the Magic Bag and what are my topics for discussion? We have Ostrich Farms and Sixty Minutes. Only two because I have less than twenty minutes to write and then I have to leave. So let’s get to it.

Ostrich Farm…

This would be a farm that raises ostriches, or so I’d assume. Those are some ugly ass birds. And they’re dangerous too. Very temperamental from what I understand and their claws can rip a person in half and disembowel someone with one swipe. Just bad-ass birds with an attitude. Johnny Cash told a great story about a pissed-off ostrich he had on his plantation farm in his biography. He was walking around one morning and came across the bird on a trail. It decided to charge him and sliced his stomach open with one swipe of the claws. Just another day on the farm, right? It nearly killed him. And that has nothing to do with farms that raise these damn things, but it just shows how dangerous that they can be. And they’re ugly. Give me a penguin or a flamingo anytime. And I’m down to eight minutes so let’s end this and move to the next subject.

Sixty Minutes…

This could mean an hour of time or it could refer to the show on Sunday nights on CBS that pretends to be a news program but has turned into a propaganda machine. In reference to the time thing, I wish I had another hour or so to write before I have to leave, but I don’t. And in regards to the TV show, I used to love to listen to Andy Rooney back in the day on that show. They used to be credible and respectable. Now, not so much. And that’s all I have to say about that.

I’m through now, but I’ll be back in about three hours to finish this booger up. I have about an hour to kill between the HBO Chamber and work today and thus, I’ll wrap this up then. See you in a little bit.

And I’m back. I changed my mind about something I was planning to do before heading to the Wound Center so I have about fifteen more minutes to do before I have to leave. It’s all in the planning and making the best use of my time, right? So should I do another topic? Why the hell not. So back to the Magic Bag and we’re going to briefly discuss Loud Mouths. Damn, the topics I find in this bag. And here you go.

Loud Mouths…

We all have seen these people. They don’t talk but instead scream and yell and bellow out their thoughts and comments. The idea of using an indoor voice is a foreign concept and they generally tend to be annoying, frustrating, and just outright pains in the ass. They make my ears hurt. And I have a word of advice for these people. No one wants to hear it so would you please (dramatic pause) SHUT THE HELL UP! What more needs to be said.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Share with your friends and invite them to the experience that is Dougie, especially if they’re cute guys. I’m lonely and need a cuddle buddy. Have a great day and be sure to make every day a good one, especially when it’s a Day of Dougie. I’ve got to get out of here now. The Michael Jackson tank awaits. Be good and I’ll catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!