Tossing Salt Presents:
Ten Days Of Dougie (Day 9)
Proctologists, Paper Routes & Courage
July 12, 2021
DougMaynard.com

This journey is nearly over. It’s the ninth installment of the Ten Days of Dougie and to be honest, I’m kind of ashamed. I’ve written a few good things over the years and when I’m inspired and in the zone, I can pound out a pretty good read. Not bragging, but just telling the truth. But this past week hasn’t really been one of those times. Some of the Ten Days blogs have been slightly entertaining, at least to me, but for the most part, it’s been “Eh!” at best. I really need to get my shit straight and get back on track. I’m going to try. That’s all I can promise. Maybe this edition, Number 9, will be the one. Let’s find out, shall we?

Let’s begin with a trip to the Magic Bag and find out what the topics of discussion will be for today. We have proctologists, paper routes, and courage. Wow! This one might be a little crappy at some points, but I guess I can work with these topics. We’ll find out, won’t we? Let’s do this.

Proctologists…

Butt doctors. These are the guys who tell you to bend over and start probing, usually with no foreplay or even dinner first. What the hell? I guess it’s what you call a necessary evil that someone has to take a lubed up finger and feel around inside your butthole, but it’s one of those things that someone has to do at times to keep people healthy and free of growth and foreign matter where it doesn’t belong. Of course, I call it foreplay, but there are people who actually do this for a living and as a career. Imagine that. I went to a doctor one time to get probed. He admitted that it was his first day on the job, but he seemed competent and acted like he knew what he was doing. As I bent over and prepared to be violated, I heard him say, “John, don’t get an erection!”. I corrected him and said, “My name is Doug!”. He replied back, “My name is John!”. Oy vey. Let’s move on.

Paper Routes…

I used to do a paper route. For just a little over a year, I delivered the Charlotte Observer every night to the residents of Laurel Hill, Gibson, and probably every back road and dirt road in-between. Those were some good days and it was a decent little gig that paid well (at the time) and was something I enjoyed very much. The wear and tear on my truck was pretty bad though and eventually the crappy part of the job, dealing with customers who didn’t want to pay their bills, the working 7-nights a week in addition to having a full-time job and partying hard every day, and some old man who kept calling me and asking, “Where’s that paperboy. I hope you’re bringing me good news!”, it all took its toll and I hade to give that job up. But there are some great memories there and some good stories to tell. And one day, I’ll do just that. Today though is not the day. I just glanced at the clock and I need to wrap this up and go lay in the Oxygen Chamber, as well as get my foot sliced open again, in just a little bit. My doctor loves to see red and play butcher-man with my foot. He’s a good guy, but damn. Oh well, I need to go do that so let’s wrap this up with the final topic.

Courage…

I could say a lot, but I’ll let the “cowardly lion” from the Wizard of Oz do it for me instead. Enjoy.

And with that, I’m out of here for another day. Day 10, the final edition of this epic blog series, will probably be up this afternoon or tonight. Thanks for reading. Comments, questions, and any other thoughts are welcome. Until the next time, take care of yourself and stay safe. Have a great day – make it a Day of Dougie. I’ll catch you on the flip side.

Happy Birthday to my sister Lynn, my friend LeeAnn, and my Aunt Ida. I love you all very much.

Ubuntu!