Tossing Salt Presents:
Ten Days Of Dougie (Day 10)
Roasts, Bill Cosby, & Texans
July 16, 2021
Good morning and welcome to the tenth edition of “Ten Days Of Dougie”, the blog series that changes the world. Well maybe not, but it’s been a big deal and a lot of fun around here. I made it through nine straight days and then work, the doctor, a booty-call, and life all took their toll and I forgot to do Day 10… until now. I don’t have much time before I have to head out for another doctor appointment, my HBO treatment where I get to lay in a glass tube for two hours, but I’m going to do what I can to wrap this up and close out the series, until the next time at least. So where is the infamous Magic Bag? I have it and we’re drawing out a few topics. We have Roasts, Bill Cosby, and Texans. Okay, I can do this. It won’t be long, but it should be fun. And away we go.
Does anyone else remember the great Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts that used to be on our television oh so many years ago? Or even the Comedy Central Roasts that are not quite as good-natured or entertaining as the Deano versions, but still pretty cool? Just friends taking turns and talking good-natured, hilarious trash about someone and everyone having a good time. Good comedy and good fun. Of course, this was back before everyone got a stick up their ass and started getting offended by everything under the sun. A real roast couldn’t happen now because someone would get their feelings hurt, be offended, and go crying to lawyers or politicians from their safe space, and start playing the victim. Bad taste and inappropriate comments are what true roasts are all about and a person has to have a thick skin and a sense of humor to enjoy or participate in them, something that doesn’t exist anymore. Damn, our country has gotten soft.
If I ever made it big and had the opportunity to be roasted by famous people, I’d love it. It would be cool and I’m thick-skinned and sarcastic enough to take it. But who would my roasters be? Well, if Comedy Central called me up tomorrow wanting to roast me, I probably wouldn’t answer the phone. I’m bad about that. I hate a damn telephone. But then they would text or e-mail me and we’d get things worked out pretty quickly. And who would my roasters? My best friend K-Mak would be the main person and my current boss-man, would also be included. And then we get to the famous people. I’d request the following to be my roasters. How about Kevin Smith, Director of Clerks and all-around movie guru, wrestling manager Jim Cornette, comedian Gilbert Godfreid, Lisa Lampanelli, the self-proclaimed Queen of Mean, the lovely First Lady of Wrestling Missy Hyatt, rock legend Alice Cooper, the Hip Hop Spellcaster Soce the Elemental Wizard, and Bill Cosby. It would be awesome. Maybe if this writing stuff ever pays off, we might be able to see this happen. One can only dream and hope. Let’s move on.
I mentioned him in the last topic and here we are again, the creator of Fat Albert, formerly America’s Dad, and one of the funniest men to ever step foot on a stage to tell jokes. He’s also known as a sex predator and alleged rapist of many women, but the conviction of that charge was overturned and removed from his record just a few weeks ago. And I’ll say it here and now. I’ll say it now. Something was awfully wrong about the whole Cosby situation. I have no doubt that Coby used his influence and power and slept with a lot of women over the years, but something just doesn’t ring right in the way things played out, resulting in Cosby spending two years in prison. Why did everyone who he allegedly drugged and raped wait so long to come forward? Why did many of them go back and spend time with Cosby after the alleged assaults? I’ll tell you why for some of the alleged victims. They thought that Bill would help their careers and get them jobs and roles and were more than willing to do anything to get his favors. Don’t get me wrong about this. Cosby is a scumbucket, but this whole matter stinks in more ways than one. And then Gloria Allred showed up as the Attorney for the alleged victims and oy vey. She is the Al Sharpton of criminal lawyers, a shyster just out to make a name for herself, get money, and be on television. She is to sexual harassment what Al Sharpton is to race relations and Hunter Biden is to role model children. Yeah, this whole mess is crazy and just utter insanity. I’m glad that Cosby was set free. Let’s move on.
These are the people who live in and are from the state of Texas. These are also the cowardly hypocrites who were elected to represent the people of Texas, but instead of doing their job and being responsible adults about their fake arguments with the Republicans over voter rights, they fled the state, gathered up in a private plane, and are hiding out in Washington DC, far away from people they were elected to represent and the responsibilities of the jobs that they’re being paid for. No, I take it back. Those are not Texans. Those are chicken-shit rooty-poo pinheads. And that’s all I have to say about that.
And there you go. I’ve got to end this and get to work. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. I’ll see you on the flip side. Stay good, stay safe, and be sure to make every day a great one by making it a Day of Dougie.