Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
Karen Doesn’t Like Clean Hands
August 10, 2021
DougMaynard.com

I have seen Karen and he is alive and well and living here in Laurinburg, North Carolina. Should I even tell this story? Maybe I shouldn’t… Of course, I should. So here goes.

As most of you are aware, we are currently in this country in a pandemic situation. And the main things that the powers-that-be constantly tell those of us who are considered essential, besides to take the shot, is to wear a mask and use lots of hand sanitizer. I bring this up for a reason as you’ll understand shortly as you read this story.

I work in a retail business and as you may guess, we deal with a lot of interesting people. Most of these folks are great. Some, not so much. And some are just dumb-asses. The person of who I’m about to speak falls, in my opinion, clearly into that last category. Or maybe he’s just an entitled male version of Karen. You be the judgel

He comes into our store several times a week and almost always is a difficult customer. Every item purchased must be placed in a separate bag. He changes his mind almost without fail every time he comes to the counter after the purchase has been rung up on the register, and then he goes off to switch his impending purchase, leaving the merchandise sitting on the counter and customers waiting, etc. His pants are always down around his knees, his fat-ass hanging out and he’s constantly moving and bopping around. Just annoying in every way, shape, and form. And this was all before his latest antics. He’s just a pain. And to be honest, long before the recent stuff, I would purposely try to not be at the register and have to deal with him whenever possible because he just comes across as a dumb-ass and gets on my nerves. If I was forced to wait on him, I’m polite, professional, and try to get the transaction over with as quietly and quickly as possible.

A couple of weeks ago, he came into the store, pants sagging and bebopping around as always. And he made his selections and went to the register where my co-worker was stationed. She had just finished putting on hand sanitizer, as per CDC recommendations, and as she rang up his purchases, he made a statement that he didn’t like hand sanitizer. He claims that he has a taste disorder and didn’t want her to ring him up since he didn’t want her to get hand sanitizer on the bottles he was going to buy. So he went and got the exact same bottles from the shelves, leaving the original bottles at her register, and came to my register so I could ring him up instead. I kind of rolled my eyes, but it was no big deal. I rang up his purchases and he left. He was acting like an idiot, but we’re used to it so that was the end of it so far as we were concerned. We were wrong.

What we found out later was that this male Karen had called the State ABC Board and wanted to know what the policy was regarding using hand sanitizer. Yes, you read that correctly. He called the governing board, over the entire state, because someone in our store used hand sanitizer on their hands before they waited on him. The state referred him to our manager and said that it was a store matter and not their problem.

And so he called our manager to complain. According to him, if we use hand sanitizer and then touch the bottles of the beverages he purchases, it’s like drinking a bottle of hand sanitizer in his opinion and he doesn’t like it. Our manager referred him to CDC guidelines and said that he was not going to put his employee’s health at risk by saying that we can’t use hand sanitizer as needed. Problem solved, right? Well, maybe not.

The idiot came into the store today and as soon as he walked through the door, my coworker and I immediately applied hand sanitizer. We want to be safe and go by the rules, right? And he didn’t say a word but made his selections, paid for his purchases, and went on his way. And barely an hour later, guess who was calling the store to complain. We’re trying to poison him. We use hand sanitizer. My manager was polite and professional, as he always is, but then Moron went too far and made a comment to the effect that he thought that after his complaint last week, the situation would be resolved, but he guesses our manager didn’t do anything. Not a good thing. And he was then informed that we were not going to risk our health by not using hand sanitizer and that if there was a problem, then maybe he shouldn’t come to our store anymore. He made some comments about how he didn’t have anywhere else to go and our manager repeated what he said and ended the call.

And now we wait. I expect that he’ll be back in the store by Thursday at the latest. And if he does come in, he probably won’t say a word. He calls Raleigh and then our manager twice because we use hand sanitizer? I’m honestly surprised that he even knew how to look up a number for the state office, but then again, I’m also surprised that he can walk and talk at the same time. The guy is a freaking annoying dumb-ass and nothing can change my opinion on that. But that’s what happened and whatever happens next, who knows. But I and another of my coworkers were talking and she’s planning on going by Bath & Bodyworks and loading up on the hand sanitizer for us at the store to use as needed. We’re going to make sure to stay well-stocked just in case we need to lather up and sterilize ourselves while waiting on certain customers. We don’t want to catch any diseases or get infected by the cooties of a dumb-ass, do we?

And there you go. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. To quote the esteemed rabbit, Bugs Bunny, “Of course you realize this means war!”. Not that we’re that petty… or are we? Y’all have a good night and I’ll see you on the slip side. Take care.

Ubuntu!