Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Funny, Colors, Sandwiches & More
October 31, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Happy Halloween. You know the drill by now. Casper, a lovely gent from Twitter who can be found at @ghostly_host, asks questions. I answer them. It’s what we do and it all starts now. Let’s do this.

Have you ever eaten tofu on purpose?

No, no, and absolutely not. I’m not even sure what a Tofu is supposed to be, but all I know is that it just don’t sound right to me.

What is the funniest thing you’ve ever seen?

A drunk midget woman with bright red hair, angry and cussing me out, being scooped up by her friend under his arms like a small child, and carried out of my store, kicking and raising hell the entire time. Remind me to tell that story sometime. Carnival workers who were wanting a beer, but can’t get any. Just a typical night working the third shift at the old Dairy Mart. I miss those days.

What is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard?

I can’t pick just one thing or moment. I work and know some crazy ass and funny people who love to make people laugh.

What is the funniest thing you’ve ever done?

I’m drawing a blank on this one. I’ll circle back if I remember to.

If you were to have a color named after you, what would it be?

A mixture of green and gray with a vibrant air of shenanigans thrown in for good measure.

If you could only eat vegetables for the rest of your life, what kind would they be?

Are potatoes veggies? I can’t remember for sure. Hell, let’s just say that they are and go with the taters, fries, chips, etc.

You forget your phone at home and you’ve driven 20 miles already before you realize it. Do you turn around and get it or not?

Tough call because if I’ve driven twenty miles, it’s for a big event or situation and I’ll probably be out and about for a long time to come and phones are a necessary evil when one leaves the house these days. I hate a damn phone, but I’d probably make a U-turn, go get it, and then cancel whatever plans I had originally had to make me drive all those miles and take a nap instead.

What would you do if money wasn’t an issue?

Not much of anything different than I do normally, but given my current situation, I’d probably hire someone to come in and help me take care of the things I’ve been having to struggle with. I’d also move from this crowded, junky-ass house that is just three boxes short of Horders, and move to a place where I can get around easier in this damn chair and actually come and go from without it being a major issue that I haven’t quite mastered yet. Those damn steps are killing me.

Have you ever played a driving game?

I’m sure that I have at some point. I used to enjoy driving and all things related to it.

If you were here right now, would you be trying to make me feel better?

Probably. Trying to make others happy and smile is what I do.

What is one color that looks great on you?

I look good in black and purple. Johnny Cash and Prince, look the hell out. Here I come. Okay, it’s more like a black hole or Barney, but you get the idea.

What is one color that doesn’t look good on you?

I don’t do red well. Just not my thing.

If you could be any kind of bird, what would you be?

Probably a penguin. I like their outfits. Nah, change that to the Eagle. Strong, majestic, noble, and able to soar so high and be free. That would be damn awesome. Plus I have a song and video to share if I use that answer. It’s Waylon. You’re welcome.

If you could only eat one kind of sandwich for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I like a variety of kinds of sandwiches so this is a tough call. Probably a burger since there are so many ways to fix it up and change the flavor, tastes, etc.

What is your favorite sandwich?

You can’t go wrong with the good old-fashioned peanut butter and jelly.

What is your favorite children’s book?

Another tough call since I love to read and have been reading since I was very young and usually above my age level so the books I read as a child weren’t necessarily children’s books. I’ll go with the books on Greek mythology that I read and enjoyed so much when I was eight/nine years old and still enjoy to this day. Hamilton’s Mythology was the name of the book and I still have it.

What type of meat do you think of when you hear burger?

Tell them Clara…

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, take care of yourself and be safe. I’ll see you on the other side.

Ubuntu!