Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Rapid Fire Edition: Rats, Grapes, Bottles & More
November 6, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Greetings, salutations, and how the hell are you? It’s just a little after one o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. Truthfully, this is pretty common these days as the Sandman has decided to stop visiting and avoids me as often as possible. Hell, most everyone else has so what’s one more, right? Don’t mind me. I’m just feeling a little trapped and lonely right now. I’ll get over it.

So what is a person to do? I’m sick of Netflix, Disney Plus, YouTube, and Tubi. I’m sick of not working and being stuck at home. I’m just not a happy camper these days. I guess I’ll just sit here and drink. No, I won’t. I would love to, but given all the stuff that’s currently going on in my head right now, I don’t think that would be a good idea. I’ll just write instead. Where is the Magic Bag? It’s Day of Dougie time.

And now, Magic Bag in hand, let’s find three topics to write about. In I reach and the topics of discussion are… I just changed my mind. It’s time for a rapid-fire edition where I pull out topics, give the first thought that comes to mind, and then move on. I can cover a lot more ground than only three topics this way and it’s usually more fun, at least for me. So are you ready? It’s clobbering time! Oh wait, I need to save that for when I’m talking about comics (The Thing) or wrestling (CM Punk). So for this piece, a Day of Dougie, we’ll just be content and let’s get busy.

Women Of Country: Country music has some amazing women among its ranks. Some, such as Tammy Wynette, June Carter Cash, or Pasty Cline, but luckily, we have many more who are still active, amazing, and very talented still performing and singing their hearts out, such as Jessi Colter, Reba, Dolly Parton, Gretchen Wilson, Linda Davis, and so many others. There ain’t nothing quite like a country girl.

The Back Booths On Bragg Blvd: In some of the adult stores in Fayetteville, there are small booths in the back of the store where people can meet and have anonymous sexual encounters. I’ve never actually been to one, but I know a guy who has many times. I won’t mention his name, but he would come to tell those of us who cared to listen, some amazing stories. I think it’s kind of creepy though. Meeting strangers for freaky sex. Hell, just use Craigslist or Grindr like everyone else. It’s much better.

Mixed Nuts: One of the greatest Christmas movies of all time. Okay, not really, but it’s got Steve Martin, Madeline Khan, a very young Adam Sandler, and it has a Christmas theme. I like it.

Joy To The World: Get rid of the snowflakes, the racists, the woke liberal media, and the politicians and we could have just that, a nice and better world. Or just hold a cat in your arms while he purrs. Same thing.

Pretty Bottles: If a bottle is attractive, it’s a better bottle to use to put stuff in and get attention with. As my friend Drunk Dane says, “It’s all about the packaging”. And he’s right.

The After-Life: When we leave this life and the mortal coil, it’s what comes next. Hopefully, we won’t have to worry about that for a long time to come, but it is a fascinating topic to wonder about.

Elliot: Do I even know anyone with this name? How did this name get into the Magic Bag? I remember an actor named Elliot Gould that was married to Barbra Streisand back in the ’70s. Poor guy. Oh yeah, I remember a dude named Elliot that I hooked up with at a party at Roy Gee’s house back in the Hasty days. A strange little dude, but he was cute so it’s okay.

The Rat: When I worked in Wilmington at the Dairy Mart, we had a problem with rats. We had a lot of them and they were some big ass bastards. And they weren’t scared of people. Not a bit. And there was this one, he liked to eat candy bars. He scared the crap out of one of my employees one night. Ever see a 6’4, big monster of a man, up on a stool and refusing to step down to the floor? I did. Remind me to tell that story someday.

Blooming Onions: Take a large onion, slice, bread, and deep fry it. And then munch. Them things are damn good!

Snowflakes: Let’s Go Brandon!

Grapes: Be they purple or be they green, I like the ones with no seeds. A great snack any time of the day or night.

Wise Potato Chips: When I was a kid, they used to deliver these to the houses in big metal cans. Good chips, albeit kind of greasy, but still not bad at all. Ruffles are better though, but that’s because Ruffles have ridges and ridges have flavor. And there you go.

Demonic possession: See Nancy Pelosi or Maxine Walters. Hell, see most of the women that I used to date back when I dated women. I think that’s why I ended up turning gay.

Friday Night Videos: Up all night, Friday nights back in the ’80s, on Network TV as an alternative to MTV and a way to spend some time with the blonde chick with big hair and big boobs. Rhonda something or another. I could look it up, but why bother?

Accident: I didn’t mean to plunge the knife into their chest 46 times. They tripped and fell. It was an accident.

And I guess I’m closing this up here. I could go on forever, but I think I’ll have mercy on you, my loyal readers, both of you, and call it a night. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome. Until the next time, stay good and be safe. I’ll see you at the bonfire.

Ubuntu!