Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Sister Cleo, Starbucks & Bacon
November 7, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Good morning my friends. Yes, another night of little sleep and lots of anxiety. Phantom pain is no joke. I swear that my right foot, the one that was amputated, is hurting more now than it ever did when I was hopping around on an infected foot, wearing a crow-boot, and using a cane. I can feel it curling up and throbbing pain in my ankle, but there isn’t anything there anymore. My mind knows this and yet I can still feel it and it’s pretty annoying. So I’m awake and sleeping is out of the question, at least for now.

So what is a man to do? How about a few topics from the Magic Bag and a little Day of Dougie Magic? Does that sound like a plan or what? So where is the bag? Found it and now, let’s draw out a few topics. What will I write about today? How about Sister Cleo, Starbucks, and Bacon. An odd assortment of topics to be sure, but this might be kind of fun. So are you ready? Let’s do this.

Sister Cleo…

Do you remember Sister Cleo? The fake accent that for the longest while, popped up on TV every ten minutes or so, and she was here to tell you your fortune. It only cost a few dollars a minute, and damn, did the people buy her gimmick or what? I’m not sure if she was the first, but for a while there, there were psychic friends everywhere just begging you to call. Dionne Warwick, Gary Spivey, Sister Odessa (who currently lives in Rockingham, NC), and Cleo was the best of them all. I can’t remember the name of the lady who portrayed Sister Cleo in all of those commercials, but she was eventually indicted for fraud and ended up doing some jail time. I bet she didn’t see that coming. Some psychic she turned out to be. Let me go hit Wiki real fast. Be right back.

Okay, I was wrong about a lot of things. It wasn’t Sister Cleo, but Miss Cleo instead. She was an actress named Youree Dell Harris who was hired to play the Cleo character for the Psychic Readers Network. She didn’t go to jail, but the owners of the Network did get shut down after billing people for nearly a billion dollars, and the FCC got involved. Harris went on to do voiceovers for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, as well as a few commercials for some car dealerships and French Toast Crunch. She died in 2016 at age 53 after a long illness.

Wow, I just learned a lot. I’ve been channeling the wrong person when I do my prediction columns for the pro wrestling events. It’s Miss Cleo and not Sister Cleo. No wonder my predictions are so whacked sometimes. The more you know. Let’s move on.

Starbucks…

They sell coffee at extremely high prices and are very popular among the young liberal crowds. I don’t drink coffee at all and I think most of the younger, liberal, woken crowd tend to be dummies. We call them “snowflakes” around here. But I guess they like coffee and I won’t hold that against them. I know many others who like coffee as well and they’re not idiots or entitled. They just like coffee so I guess, for their sakes, Starbucks can be a good thing. It’s just not for me. No way, no shape, no how. Moving on.

Bacon…

Fried pig flesh that has been seasoned and cured. Everyone likes bacon. Well, I have a confession here. I like bacon too, but I actually prefer sausage. More seasoned and fried pig meat, but more texture and flavor in my opinion and preferable to my own tastes. But bacon is good. It’s one of the essential food groups or at least it should be. And my annoying ass little dog, Sparky, likes the bacon strips treats. Of course, he’ll eat just about anything. We should have named him Mikey. Who gets that reference? You’re freaking old! But suffice it to say, bacon is a good thing.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions that you may have be it about anything at all, please leave a comment or drop me a line. Until the next time, take care and be good. GO SCOTS! I’ll see you at the tattoo parlor.

Ubuntu!