Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
Memories & Reflections III
November 12, 2021
DougMaynard.com

I recently came across a box full of old notebooks that I used to write in many years ago. The books are ragged and falling apart and I really should get rid of them to clear up some space, but I don’t want to lose the stuff inside. My soul bared many years ago and I don’t want to lose that so I’m just going through the notebook and transcribing everything here. It’s some odd and twisted stuff, but it’s raw emotion put to pen and paper and it was all me at the time. Don’t worry though. I’m much better now. So enjoy this trip back in time with me. It’s totally all Dougie as only a Day of Dougie can be. Are you ready? Let’s do this.

In a crowd
but still alone
a refugee
from the Phantom Zone

Hearing your voice
see your face
but you disappear
without a trace

(chorus)
Be with me
all through the night
Be with me
Make everything all right

you said you had to go
I said I understand
the tears that roll down my cheeks
don’t make me any less than a man

I don’t understand
why it couldn’t be me and you
please let me know
why can’t you just set me free

(chorus)
Be with me
all through the night
Be with me
Make everything all right

6/26/90

They think that I don’t know
They think that I can’t see
hear them whisper behind my back
play up to the rumors
ignore the facts
why the hell are they after me

Maybe I’m just being paranoid
maybe I’m just playing it safe
the fox being hounded by the hunters
weary from the chase

they corner me
harass me
knock me around
and trash me
gotta have faith
why can’t I believe

6/30/90

Looking for some peace
Wishing I was left alone
cry out into the night
living there in the danger zone

(Chorus)
I cry
Oh, I cry
Wondering where and why
I cry
You know I cry
Watching life pass me by

My friends
They flock around me
Lend me support
Give me hope
But when I make that final walk
I’m by myself
I have to manage and cope

(Chorus)
I cry
Oh, I cry
Wondering where and why
I cry
You know I cry
Watching life pass me by

I see no light in my future
Oly darkness stays behind
People are mean and nasty
People are gentle and kind
Feel that sensation in my stomach
growling alone, deep inside
I’ll try to face the future
And then I cry

(Chorus)
I cry
Oh, I cry
Wondering where and why
I cry
You know I cry
Watching life pass me by

You know life
Makes me cry

8/27/90

You wanted us to be lovers
But that just wouldn’t do
My heart belongs to another
I’m sorry
But it just ain’t you

I see the tear
Rolling down your face
I can feel the anger
As I fall from your grace

You say that I hurt you
I lied to you
I’m just one of those rotten men
But think again
I told the truth
You just didn’t listen

You touched me
I pulled away
But you wouldn’t let go
You said you loved me
I never responded
Now don’t you know

You blame me for your pain
For every single solitary tear
But think back to the time we spent together
I told the truth
You just didn’t listen

You knew I was on the rebound
But you wouldn’t stop
And now you’re hurt again
I told the truth
But you wouldn’t listen

I told the truth
But you wouldn’t listen

8/29/90

I need a friend
I used to have them
I still do
But the closeness
The openness that once was
Isn’t here
Not anymore
I need someone I can talk to
Confide In
Be serious
But still have fun
I need a friend
Too bad
I’m forever alone

9/1/90

Do I feel agony? Heartache? Just plain confusion? I know not. I”m here today with no future. Not for me. For tomorrow is my day. My date with destiny. The day my fate, my very life, will be decided. Am I scared? Yes. Do I have reason? Again, yes. Will I deal with my fears? Probably, though how I have no idea. I’ll just cope and deal my cards and hope they turn in my favor and not against me. I have no future. No here. Maybe not anywhere.

8/28/90

And that’s enough for tonight. Reading this old stuff has brought back some memories and now the allegories are trying to act up. I hate it when that happens. So anyhow, thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, take care and stay good. I’ll see you at the Kiki Bar.

Ubuntu!