Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Sleep, Phones & Food
November 16, 2021
DougMaynard.com

There is a man named Casper who asks questions on Twitter. And I like to answer them. And this is called Questions By Casper. And it starts right now.

Are you going to be saying “Merry Christmas” regardless of whose feelings might get hurt?

Hell yeah. I like Christmas and Happy Holidays just doesn’t do it for me. It’s Merry Christmas bitches!! And that’s the way it should be.

What is something you want for Christmas?

To go back to work, to drive again, and maybe a few students from St. Andrews to come by and do some Ho Ho Ho’ing. And you. All I want for Christmas is you.

Do you take any sleep aids?

I probably should since I generally only sleep 2-3 hours at a time and wake up frequently at night, but no, I don’t. I just turn on my fan and head to the land of golden slumber.

Have you ever tried to fight off a yawn?

I have, but it didn’t work too well. The best things with yawns is to just go with the flow and let it happen.

Have you ever fallen asleep standing up?

Many times. And hell, I’ve even fallen asleep in the shower standing up. That was interesting. I was tired.

Where is the strangest place you’ve ever fallen asleep?

I think that shower scene kind of covers it.

What is something you do to help yourself sleep at night?

Turn on the ceiling fan, turn on my rotating fan on high, and wrap up in the top blanket like a cacoon. It usually works.

How many phone numbers have you had in your lifetime?

I have no idea. Probably about 10 – 12.

What is your dream phone?

Who the hell has a dream phone? I despise the damn things so any phone I have would not be a dream, but instead a nightmare. How about an on-the-wall rotary dial phone with a long cord. As to why, because it takes me back to a simpler and better time before technology took over.

Do you always try to drive the speed limit?

Of course, I do. What do you think I am? A criminal?

Best diet food ever?

Krispy Kreme Donuts. Hey, you diet your way and I’ll diet mine. I like Krispy Kreme.

Are you dieting?

Not really. I probably should, but this is the holiday season and that means cooking and eating. I’ll wait until after the first of the year.

Have you ever had a really “free lunch”?

I think I did back in elementary school once or twice. It wasn’t the best of meals, but to be honest, that school pizza (and a milk) was pretty damn good.

Do you know what nationalities you are?

A little of this and a little of that, with some other stuff mixed in. I’m just a real American. I’m a mutt.

Have you ever slept in your vehicle?

Many times. A good napper takes advantage of every possibility and I have always been very good at napping.

Are you a skeptical person?

Do I always wonder what the catch is? You betcha!

What do you think the world will look like in another 5 years?

Food lines, government control over our lives, few real freedoms, and lots and lots of government cheese. We’re fucked! God we need you now.

Have you ever lived out one of your fantasies?

The one with the police car and the handcuffs, yes. I love a guy in uniform, especially when he’s a freak.

And that’s a good place to end this. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have are welcome and appreciated. And thank you to Casper, who can be found at @ghostly_host on Twitter for the questions. I’m going to go eat a corn dog. I’ll see you next time, same Bat Time and same Bat Channel. Take care and stay safe. See ya!

Ubuntu!