Tossing Salt Presents:
10 Questions
Infestations, Hypotheticals, Dating & More
November 18, 2021
DougMaynard.com

In a world of questions, I have the answers. Well, to ten of them at least. The questions come from my Facebook and Twitter timelines. And now, let’s give them a shot. Let’s do this.

What is a suitable first date?

A movie. A good meal at a semi-decent restaurant, preferably Chinese. Walking around the college and feeding the ducks. And maybe some Netflix/Disney Plus & chill to finish things out.

Do people over 40 have boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships?

Some do, but the labels are not used quite as often. Now it’s my “friend” or my “good friend” or my “beau” more than saying BF or GF all the time. Different people use different expressions and so long as it works for them, it’s all good.

Did your first-night stand lead to marriage?

I’ve never been married so I guess that the answer would be no. But what exactly is a “first-night stand”? Is it your first one-night stand? Inquiring minds want to know. And if that is the case, the answer is still no. I’ve still never been married and I think my first “one-night stand”, I was like 15 years old.

What is your favorite Christmas movie?

There are many Christmas movies I enjoy greatly such as Christmas Vacation, Elf, Home Alone, Scrooged, The Grinch, The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas (remember the song Hard Candy Christmas), The Santa Clause, Silent Night, Deadly Night, etc, but my favorite is not well known and more of a cult favorite than a mainstream hit. Mixed Nuts. Go check it out. With a cast consisting of Steve Martin, Madeline Khan, a very young Adam Sandler, and many others, it’s good. It’s damn good!

What is the worst infestation you’ve ever had to deal with?

Stupid idiots. Every day at many different stores that I’ve worked at. 40 years of customer service and I’d rather deal with mice, rats, bugs, etc., any day.

Do you ever deal in hypotheticals?

You mean wonder “What if?”. Every moment of every day, I find myself doing just that. It’s not a pretty job, but someone has to do it.

What is one state you’d never live in?

There are two of them and that would be California and New York. The powers-that-be that are in charge of both states (Democrats) and the general woke-nature of the people, with their entitled asses and easily offended sensibilities, I wouldn’t waste my time ever thinking about visitig or living in either location.

Do you have any faith in doctors?

Not really, but they’re a necessary evil so I’ll try and tolerate them as best I can.

How long could you live off of 1 million dollars?

Well, in all honesty, I’m a cheapskate in a lot of ways. Living check to check all your life will do that to you and you learn, as a result, how to manage money and make do with what you have. And with that in mind, I think I could make it work to be comfortable for the rest of my days with a million bucks. Just be careful and not be stupid and I’d be set for life.

When was the last time someone held a door for you?

The last time I went out in public, last Thursday. Being a one-legged dude hobbling around with a walker has that effect on people and they tend to be more polite and respectful and that includes holding open doors.

And there you go. I guess it’s time to call it a day and go do some stuff. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions you’d like to ask about anything, feel free and drop me a line. Until the next time, take care, stay safe, be good, and don’t take any wooden nickles. I’ll see you at the Wet Bar.

Ubuntu!