Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
Headlines, Milk Shakes, Dodge Ball & Basketball Jones
December 2, 2021
DougMaynard.com

It’s 4:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I hate it when that happens, but it seems to be happening more and more often as of late. I really need to get my ass back to work sooner rather than later. I went to the doctor’s office on Tuesday and got some positive news on that front. My leg is healing nicely and when I go back for my next check-up, if things continue as they have, I’ll be measured and fitted for a prothesis the next day. And then, a couple of weeks of physical therapy to get used to it and adjust and then back to work. My unofficial target is around New Year’s, but if the opportunity comes to go back earlier, I most definitely will. But anyhow, things are moving along and getting better rather than getting worse, and that’s a good thing. So there you go.

But as good as that is on a personal level, it doesn’t do me much good sitting here right now. Another busy day ahead as I’ve got people coming over to finish up my ramp, a nurse, and a physical therapist as well, but being up this early, I’m going to be a sleepy-ass person to deal with. Oh well, sleep is over-rated anyhow. That’s what I’ve always said. So what do I do now? I have a wrestling Q&A and a “Five Questions” outlined and waiting, but I’ll save that for later this morning. For now, it’s something else. How about a Day of Dougie? That sounds like a plan, but first…

My brother sent me a video via text yesterday morning. And I nearly spit out my Dew, I was laughing so hard. Given my current situation, it was perfect. This is one of the many reasons I love that guy so much. Check it out.

And now, back to the Day of Dougie stuff. Do I follow the usual routine and draw some topics at random from the Magic Bag? Or do I just talk about what’s on the news and local current events? I’ll do both. A quick comment about the news first.

Headlines…

Jussie Smollet is guilty! The Epstein woman is guilty, but she didn’t kill herself (yet). Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself. The SUV dude in Wisconsin needs to be locked up forever. Stacey Abrams is running for Governor of GA again. She’s going to lose again. Joy Behar & Whoopi are idiots. Chris Cuomo got shit-canned by CNN. Now they need to follow up with Don Lemon, Anderson Cooper, and the masturbating Zoom guy. Al Sharpton is nothing but a racist and hate-monger out to exploit trying to make a buck. Joy Reid is even worse if that’s possible. Trump 2024! Let’s make America great again. Where’s Hunter? And let’s go, Brandon. And there you go.

And now, let’s get that Magic Bag and pull out a couple of topics for discussion. I’m reaching into the bag and we have Milk Shakes, Dodge Ball, and Basketball Jones. This should be fun. Let’s go for it and do this.

Milk Shakes…

Ice cream, milk, and sometimes some extra flavoring, blended together to make a creamy, thick, and very cold refreshment that is second to none. Well, the brain freeze can be kind of rough, but that’s not important right now. Milkshakes are good. And the best ones are the Artic Orange that McDonald’s used to make. I guess that the Orange milkshake available at Cook-Out is just as good, but it’s not. Cook-Out has some good shakes though. Hell, the shakes are the best part of the Cook-Out experience. The food, not so much usually. But we’re not talking about that right now. We’re talking the shakes.

When I used to work at Convenient Food Mart back in the mid-to-late ’80s, we had a milkshake machine and would make them, homemade, for the customers. They picked the ice cream flavor and we added the milk and mixed them up. Good things that sold well. I used to hate making those damn things. I hated it so much that when our boss decided to take the milkshake machine out and go with Frozen Yogurt instead, I brought that milkshake machine home with me. I still have it and it works great. A Hamilton machine like the kind you’d find in the old soda shops in the ’60s and early ’70s. It’s at least fifty years old and can still make one helluva shake. I’ve only got one of the original metal mixing cups left, but it’s still good. I can only make one shake at a time anyhow. The machine is designed to make up to three shakes, but I’ll stick with just one, thank you.

So milkshakes, they’re good and refreshing, and now I’m wanting one right now. If anyone is in the neighborhood, bring me one please. I’ll be your friend for life. And now, let’s move on.

Dodge Ball…

Who remembers that big red rubber ball? When the P.E. teacher brought it out, we knew that we were going to experience pain, blues, and agony as we got blasted by our friends throwing it at us, and at the same time, some refreshing releasing of anger, anxiety, and tension as we slammed that same ball into our friend’s face and head. Good times to be sure. Looking back now, it probably wasn’t the safest or smartest of games, but damn it, it separated the men from the boys and made us tough. These days, someone would be on their knees crying like a little bitch and wanting to sue the entire world if they were hit by someone throwing a ball at them. They would need hospitalization and years of therapy to get over the trauma and that’s the teenagers and adults. In our days, we got hit by the ball and then we threw it back at the person who threw it at us. And we tried to dodge the ball, hence the name. It was a different world and time and a better one at that. No wimps allowed. And there you go. And finally…

Basketball Jones…

Many years ago, Cheech & Chong invented a character called Basketball Jones. By today’s standards of political correctness and everyone gets their feelings hurt so easily, it could never be done and this character, or Cheech & Chong for that matter, would never be allowed to see the light of day. Luckily for us, they, along with people like Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy, Don Rickles, Joan Rivers, Redd Foxx, and so many others, came from an era where people could laugh at anything and everything. No sticks up the asses then unless you were living in San Francisco or played Mr. Sulu on Star Trek. People had a sense of humor and knew how to have fun and a good time. It was a different world.

Anyhow, here we go. It’s Cheech & Chong with Basketball Jones. Enjoy.

And there you go. I guess that’s enough for now. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions about anything at all, feel free and give me a shout. Until the next time, take care and stay safe. I’ll see you at the liquor store.

Ubuntu!