Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Religion, Dreams, Skittles & More
December 8, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Over in the land of Twitter, there is a man named Casper who has many questions. He can be found at @ghostly_host. And here is where I answer many of those questions. Are you ready? Let’s do this.

What does being an American mean to you?

It means being proud of who I am and those I know and love. It means chasing my dreams and where working hard pays off. It means freedom to worship where I will, say what I please, and be the very best that I can be. It’s the land of the free, the home of the brave, and despite what some may say, a place where anyone, if they’re willing to work hard and give 100%, can make it.

What do you think the secret of life is?

My boss-man and I have had this discussion before many times. Boobies! Everyone likes them and they make people happy. Boobies make the world go round. Well, those and fat-bottomed girls.

When isn’t a good time for a drink?

In church and when dealing with law enforcement officers. Not when driving either. But any other time, go for it!

Have you ever printed your own checks?

I don’t do checks, but I have known people who actually did this. They occasionally needed checks but didn’t want to use the ones from the bank so they printed out their own as they needed them. It struck me as odd, but cool.

Remember when people actually honored IOUs?

Do you mean when people borrowed money and actually paid it back? Do you mean it actually happens? Damn, I missed that period and time.

What is the most irritating thing to hear when you’re trying to sleep?

“Oh shit, my wife is home! You got to leave now!” – that and a dog or cat licking themselves. Nasty!

What is the best music?

It all depends on my mood at the time. I listen to everything from rock to country to heavy metal to jazz to blues to soul. Anything but RAP! Rap is Crap!

What is the worst music?

I answered that in the last question. As the West Texas Rednecks said, “Rap is crap!” Here’s the video to explain it all.

What does being a Christian mean to you?

I’m God’s child and he has a plan for me to do as right as I can and be the best person I can be. I have choices and decisions and regardless of how things go, so long as I do my best, he’s proud of me and loves me. Just be the best man I can be and do the best for others that I can do when possible.

What does being an atheist mean to you?

It means that the person hasn’t found that place in life where he or she needs to be and is still searching. And they don’t feel comfortable in acknowledging our God yet, but we should still love them anyway.

What does God mean to you?

God is the reason. He is our savior and the ultimate creator of everything. He loves us and wants us to do well, but allows us free will and choice as we find our way. God is great… all the time.

What does “The American Dream” look like to you?

He looks like this. And he’s in this video talking about Hard Times.

What is the best named candy bar?

A Whatchamacallit. It’s the perfect name.

If you were a vehicle, what would it be?

A white panel van that has “Free Liquor & Hookers” painted on the side.

Do you know pig Latin?

I took a year of Latin in high school, but I don’t recall talking to any pigs at the time. I did learn how to sing “Oh Christmas Tree”. Oh wait, you mean carny. I can do a few words, but not many.

Do you speak sarcasm fluently?

I speak this better than I do in English. It’s my natural tongue and dialect.

What is your favorite skittle?

The one you don’t eat with a can of tea in your hands while walking around late at night in Florida. I don’t want to get shot! Taste the rainbow bitches!

Do you try to find the good in people?

I always look for the good in people. It takes a lot for me to write someone off and give up on them.

If food was a spirit animal, what would yours be?

Probably a hot dog or maybe a tater. I can’t help it. I like hot dogs and taters.

What is your favorite memory?

Different memories are dear to me for different reasons. One very dear moment to me that has been on my mind a lot as of late was riding around at 3:00 in the morning, the middle of December with my brother, with the windows down. It was so warm. The next day, cold and wet and very chilly. But we were just chilling and enjoying the pretty warm night just a few hours earlier.

What are two things that don’t go together well?

Me and people. They’re okay in small doses for short periods of time, but after that, not really. Oh yeah, here’s one even better. Me and FourLoko. I thought I was adorable. From what I’ve been told repeatedly, I wasn’t.

Why is green the color of both greed and growth?

Hell if I know, but I like green. Green eyes make me do stupid things and green money is very useful as well. Green M&M’s rock! And at the same time, as Kermit the Frog once sang, it’s not easy being green. Give him a listen.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, go check out Casper at Twitter, stay safe, be good, and eat lots of cheese. I’ll see you at the hot dog stand.

Ubuntu!