Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie:
Rip Van Winkle, 4th Of July & Overprotective Parents
January 17, 2022
DougMaynard.com

“I’ve got sunshine on my shoulder.” Yes, I am listening to John Denver at 5:30 in the morning. Don’t judge me. And thinking of that, it’s a lie. It’s way too early for the sunshine and too damn cold as well. And the way my computer is set up, the sunshine will never touch me. So, Mr. John Denver, you lie. I know you’re dead and all that, but you wear the Granny glasses, claim to belong in West Virginia even though you lived in Colorado, and looked like a hippie. Get out of my life and no soup for you. And yes, I watched Seinfeld last night. Why do you ask? It’s way too damn early for this. Let’s move on.

So how the hell are you? I’m doing okay, as you may be able to guess. Still extremely frustrated about my medical issues, but I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning and maybe we’ll get some clarity on a few things then. That’s tomorrow though. Right now, it’s time to do a Day of Dougie. Just picture the big, bald black guy with the fancy outfit and killer glasses at the start of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures sitting there with a stoic expression on his face, talking to Rufus. “It’s time!” And there you go. Let’s do this.

Before we really get to rolling, we need some topics, right? Let’s get the Magic Bag and see what the agenda holds in terms of discussion. We have Rip Van Winkle, Fourth Of July, and Overprotective Parents. Do I smell controversy? We may get some today, but it’s all good. That’s what we do. So with no more delays, let’s do this.

Rip Van Winkle…

Rip Van Winkle is a name we’re all familiar with, right? A short story that was written in 1820 by a man named Washington Irving, it’s about a guy without a care in the world who gets drunk, falls asleep, and wakes up twenty years later. Talk about good, heavy sleep, he definitely had one. And now, when someone sleeps a long time, they get the comparison. Back in the day, I had many Rip Van Winkle-like naps going twelve-fourteen hours at a pop. Of course, this was usually after many days of no or very little sleep so I was just making up for the lost time. And now, if I manage to get three hours straight, it’s a minor miracle. So when I was younger, Rip Van Winkle was a role model. And now that I’m older and would appreciate the sleep more, he’s who I inspire to be. And there you go. Let’s move on.

Fourth of July

It’s the day of the year that we here in the United States celebrate our nation’s birthday. Incidentally, it’s also the day after my own birthday. Go figure, right? For most, it’s a day of family, fireworks, a little drinking, and being proud to be an American. Of course, by today’s standards, it’s also probably racist, and celebrating means you’re a white supremacist. but that’s a discussion for another day. It’s a good day commemorating when a few rowdy Revolutionaries told the Queen of England to piss off, threw some tea into the Harbor, and kicked redcoat ass. Good stuff. And I just had a thought. If the rebels hadn’t fought for our independence from England, we’d be ruled over by a Monarch with a troublemaking son, that being Queen Elizabeth and Prince Andrew. Instead, we have Joe Biden and Hunter. He just thinks he’s a King. And Hunter? Give me Andy anytime. Anyhow, the Fourth of July is a great day of celebration for the United States. It’s also a great song by Shooter Jennings. So there you go and here’s the song. Let’s move on.

Overprotective Parents

In your parent’s eyes, you’ll always be twelve years old. The people you associate with, the things you enjoy, the actions you take, the life you live, you’re wrong and not doing it right. That’s the way it is and they need to step in, protect you, and keep you safe from yourself. Not that I know anything about that (rolls eyes), but what can you do? Just grit the teeth, shut your mouth, and remember, they mean well. It’s annoying to be sure, but they mean well. ‘Nuff said!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have about this or anything at all do feel free and give me a shout. Until the next time, take care and be good. Stay warm and be safe. It’s still cold and icy out there. I’ll see you on the other side. Have a great day and it will be great because it’s a Day of Dougie. Take care.

Ubuntu!