Tossing Salt Presents:
Ten Questions:
Hypnotize, Licks, Bill Murray & More
January 23, 2022
DougMaynard.com

More questions that were sent to me from a loyal reader, totally insane deplorable, Infidel extreme named Vince. I can’t help it. I have to answer these and may God have mercy on my soul. Let’s do this.

Would you go to a restaurant that only served meatloaf, tater tots, and chili?

Considering that I like all three foods, I would definitely go there and probably end up becoming a regular customer.

How do I hypnotize girls into liking me? I practiced in the mirror but ended up repulsed and cursed.

I can understand why because, Vince, you repulse me as well and you are definitely a cursed being. Use a camera, on your phone or computer, to practice and record your practice sessions. And then, when talking to the girls, offer them money, lots of it. And your luck may improve.

If cows were people, what would you name them?

The only cow-people I know of were named Garfield, Bessie-Sue, and Montgomery. So I’d name them Fritz and Lucy.

Other than coffee, what kind of food or beverage would you like to have your own brand of?

Mt. Dew should do a special edition of the Zero brand in my honor, and call it Mt. Doug Zero. Mix it with Jack Daniels and have Zero regrets.

How many licks does it the to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

The world may never know, but I think it takes 17. Just a guess, but I’m right. I know I am.

What’s your favorite Bill Murray movie? Follow-up question. What do you think Bill Murray’s favorite Bill Murray movie is?

For myself, I’ll go with Caddyshack. Bill and his quest to kill the gopher were the best parts of the movie that didn’t feature Rodney Dangerfield. As for Bill’s favorite movie featuring Bill, I’d guess Ed Wood. He was able to hang out with Johnny Depp and played a character named Bunny Breckinridge. That had to be a memorable experience.

Bacon or Spaghetti?

I prefer waffles.

What are your thoughts on Bart-Man?

I didn’t do it. Nobody saw me do it. Can’t prove anything. Here’s the Bart Man!

Realistically, how many Canadian geese do you think could you shoot fight?

If I can shoot them first, I’ll fight as many as you have, but otherwise, I ain’t messing with them birds. Geese are mean!

Would you rather have noodles for fingers or hotdogs for toes?

Hot dogs for toes and I’d want them to be Ball Park franks. That way, when my feet get hot, they’d get all big and tasty. After all, they plump when you cook them.

And there you go. I’m through for now. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have are welcome and appreciated. Until the time after next, take care and be awesome. I’ll see you at the photo shoot.

Ubuntu!