Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
The Unknown Comic, The West Virginia Turnpike & My Girl
February 12, 2022
DougMaynard.com

To all my Twitter peeps, I’m back. Let’s Go Brandon. And for the rest of you, welcome to a Saturday morning edition of A Day of Dougie. I’d much rather be sitting in front of the TV with a big bowl of cereal watching cartoons, but are there still any more cartoons airing on TV for Saturday mornings? Cartoons that don’t suck? The last time I checked, it was all live-action stupidity, news programs, and reruns of Roseanne. I like Roseanne, but I think I’d rather just sit here at my computer and talk to you instead. Don’t you feel lucky?

So here we are and it’s time to do the Days Of Dougie gimmick. That means I draw three topics from the always infamous Magic Bag, take a deep breath, and then with no preparation or advance warning, start to write. Sometimes it’s heaven, sometimes it’s hell, and sometimes, I don’t even know. Yes, I did just use a song lyric from classic Willie and Waylon. I do that sometimes. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, draw out topics of discussion at random, then write. It’s my thing and what I do. So let’s quit the chatting and do it.

And the topics of discussion for today are The Unknown Comic, The West Virginia Turnpike, and My Girl. Okay, this might work out. Let’s find out. So in the words of Dr. Frank-N-Furter, “In just seven days, I can make you a man!”. Let’s do this.

The Unknown Comic

Who remembers this guy? A corny-ass dude with a bag on his head, who made regular appearances on The Gong Show, and starred in the movie, Night Patrol, which by the way is awesome and you should go watch it. His real name was Murray Langston, and this guy was funny. I didn’t know it until I read his bio this morning, but he had quite the career before ever showing up on the Gong Show, but his life hit a rough spot and he needed some money so he signed to make an appearance on the Gong Show and here’s where it gets good. He was so embarrassed to be on that show, that he, without the producer’s prior knowledge or permission, put a bag on his head before walking out on stage. And the rest was, as they say, history. Here’s a video. Enjoy!

The West Virginia Turnpike

Almost heaven, West Virginia. At least that’s what John Denver said in his song so many years ago, but with all apologies to Mr. Denver, wrong! In the great state of West Virginia, there are two things that give people chills. One is the Wild & Wonderful White Family. And the other, the West Virginia Turnpike. A large batch of highway that you pay a toll to get on, takes up 3/4 of the entire state, and then you gladly pay a toll to get off. And it’s under construction. It’s been under construction for close to fifty years and based on the last time I went to see family in Ohio, roughly about twelve or so years ago, maybe longer, it wasn’t any closer to being completed and finished than it was when they first started.

I remember it so well from when I was a kid, taking that ride from NC to Ohio, and most of it would fly by until we hit West Virginia and paid to get on the Turnpike. Then it was mountains, road crews, a strange stink in the air, and the only rest stops were Glass Houses and Howard Johnsons. Yes, that was a long time ago. We’d make that long ride which never seemed to end.

And then we’d pay to get off that infernal death-trap of a highway, enter into Charleston, then Hurricane, where my Dad lived for several years, and then Huntington, which means we were almost there. Cross the river, go into Ohio, and then Grandma’s house, here we come. Those memories are good. The travel on the Turnpike, not so much. It was the only part of the trip I dreaded.

I just looked it up. It’s a four-lane, tolled highway, that runs 88 miles long. And it’s still under construction. And it probably always will be. Oy vey! Let’s move on and wrap this up. By the way, since I spoke of the White Family, here’s the trailer for the movie.

My Girl

So what comes to mind when you hear those two words? Is it the lovely lady standing by your side? Is it the small child that lives under the stairs and attends to your every need? It is a great song written and performed by The Temptations? Is it the heartbreaking movie where Macauley Culkin dies? Good riddance, I say. Is it none of these things, but something else entirely? If it is, you’re a weirdo. And no, I’m not trying to insult you. Weirdos are good people, my kind of people. We are one and march to our own beat. No one tells us what to do. We are women unless we’re guys, and hear us roar. Now, what was I saying?

We’ve gone over what goes through your mind when you hear those two words and just for you, I’ll post the video of a great rendition of this song after this paragraph. And as for what I think about since that was primarily the whole reason for us being here, I’ll suffice it by saying two words. Mr. Potatohead. Hey, I told you that I was a bit of a weirdo. Maybe I’m actually a White from West Virginia? Maybe I should look into that? Maybe one day. I’ve drawn a blank as to where to go with this and since a blank Dougie isn’t a good Dougie, I’ll wrap this up. Here’s the video I promised. Enjoy!

And there you go. That wasn’t too bad, was it? My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, be good and stay safe and always remember and never forget, rap is crap. Love ya, Peeps. See you soon.

Ubuntu!