Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Handshakes, Gas, Bacon & More
March 9, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Over at Twitter, there is a man named Casper (da_ghostly_host) and he’s far more than a friendly ghost. He’s an asker of questions of all shapes, sizes, and topics. And since I like to answer questions, well, here we go. It’s Questions By Casper and it all starts right now.

The last time you wore a band t-shirt, who was the band?

(Looks down) – it’s an Alice Cooper t-shirt. Alice was, and is, the man!

If Joe Biden were standing in your driveway, would you go out to greet him?

Of course, I would. I don’t want a confused old pedophile wandering the streets around the neighborhood and scaring the children. I would go out, get him, bring him inside, and call the police to see if any dementia patients have escaped from the local rest home?

What does a handshake tell you about a person?

If they have a good grip and generally if they’re confident or, as the trash bags say, wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!

Do you go against the grain?

No, not me. I always go with the flow and stay in line. I would never buck the lying-ass system, argue with authority, or poke the moronic bear. No, never. (rolls eyes).

What’s the cheapest you can remember gas being a gallon?

Hell, I can’t remember back that far. Probably about a dollar or so. I can’t remember when it was, but I’m sure a Republican was President at the time.

Has anyone heard anybody say “Biden 2024”?

I never even heard anyone say Biden 2020. It was all “I hate Trump” or “Trump is bad”, but to actually say that they liked Joe Biden, supported his policies, or thought he’d be a good president, those were words that never came from anyone’s mouth that I heard, at least not in person here in the real world.

What is something you’d like to tell your younger self?

Suck it up and go for it, bucko! You’ll be happier that way instead of second guessing yourself all the time.

So… Is COVID over now or just on a hiatus until after the whole Ukraine thing is done?

It’s over until after the mid-term elections. It was all about the power and control anyhow.

Have you ever been called a liar?

I have, but the person who said that was a liar trying to deflect my calling him out on his lies. I don’t lie. I may not always say everything, but a straight-out blatant lie is rare unless there is no other option.

Where would you like to be in 10 years?

Alive, breathing, in relatively good health, and rich.

Do you like all the parts of a BLT?

Nope, I’m not a big fan of the “T”. It’s weird that I love ketchup, but hate tomatoes. Go figure.

What is your favorite type of burger?

One homemade on the stove, with cheese, chili, slaw, onions, ketchup, mustard, and a strip or two of bacon. Just a big, massive heart attack waiting to happen.

Do you share your bacon with your dog?

Nope. Well, not unless he asks nicely. Then maybe…

Are you prepared for the famine bring brought to you by #LetsGoBrandon and #FJBiden?

I have been stocking up on canned stuff for a while, plus I have access to a Food Bank. I’m ready.

Have you ever pretended to be something or someone you’re not?

I pretend to be sane and mentally stable sometimes. Does that count? I pretend to be a nice and loving person who likes people when I’d really like to smack them in the face with an iron skillet. And there was the one time I pretended to be a friend of mine, complete with a fake ID, and took a GED test for him. We made the Governor’s Honor List. I got paid and he got a diploma. Everyone won.

Have you ever had a REAL sauna?

Yes, I actually have. There used to be a gym in Maxton, a nearby town, that was run by friends of mine. I was able to use that Sauna on a few different occasions.

Are you sassy?

When my inner-gay decides to come out and play, I can be. But usually, I’m just more sarcastic and quiet-natured.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. And thanks to the Oh Mighty Casper (@da_ghostly_host) for the questions. Go check him out and follow him. He’s cool and follows back. And with that being said, it’s time to close this up. Take care and be safe, my friends. I’ll see you at the Sauna.

Ubuntu!