Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Kelly
Cooking, Injuries, Work Stories & More
March 28, 2022
DougMaynard.com

There is a lovely lady at Twitter who likes to ask the most interesting questions and Kelly is her name-o. (@kelly_ques). And well, you know me. I like to answer questions. And so, here we are. It’s Questions By Kelly and it all starts now. Let’s do this.

Is there a dish you cook exceptionally well?

I can make some bomb chili, or so I’ve been told. I’m also the Tater Tot Casserole Man on occasion as well. If I put my mind to it, I can cook almost anything or I’ll at least try.

Coke or Pepsi?

Is this even a question? Coke thinks I should be less white, but I am what I am and who I am? Pepsi all the way! Plus, it just tastes better.

What did you do as a teenager that makes you cringe now?

Date women. Nothing against most of the girls, but that’s not who I am. That’s not me.

Can you speak any other languages?

I know a little Spanish (2 years in school), a little Latin (more school), some Japanese (a friend from college), Lumbee (two years of living in Maxton), and fluent sarcasm and asshole (from 35 years of working with the public).

What would you pick to add to your coffee, Baileys, Amaretto, or Whiskey?

Just give me the whiskey. I don’t drink coffee.

What fictional character would you most like to be friends with?

I think Hank McCoy (The Beast – The X-Men) and I would get along pretty well. The Vampire, Barnabas Collins, would be a good bud as well.

What is the dumbest way you injured yourself?

Walking into a tree while drunk and high on painkillers while walking through the woods. I fell, hurt my arm, and was out of work for several days as a result. Just the stupidity of youth.

What is your funniest work story to date?

This may not be the funniest, but it’s a classic favorite. The Caning Incident. Read about it here: https://dougmaynard.com/2017/06/13/real-life-story-from-convenient-store-hell-part-i/

Whose opinion do you care most about?

It depends upon the situation and topic, but in general, my boss-man, my Mom, and my bro’s thoughts are all considered, but my opinion is the only one that truly matters.

Concerts or sporting events?

Definitely concerts.

What do you like that everyone else seems to dislike?

Based on the numbers of my site lately, these Q&As. The wrestling stuff gets good numbers and the Days of Dougie gets good numbers, but I do a random Q&A like this one, not so much. Maybe I need to up my game and change things up a bit? Let me think about that.

What is your favorite holiday memory from childhood?

Spending Christmas with my cousins, Clint and Cliff, at my Grandma Vick’s house in Ohio, and just being a kid.

How do you like your potatoes?

Cooked. It doesn’t matter if they’re deep-fried, baked, mashed, made into a stew, or cut up and breaded into taters, I’ll munch them down. But raw potatoes? They suck!

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Making an actual podcast and doing reaction videos. And I haven’t done it yet because, for the podcast, I’d need some extra equipment that I can’t afford right now, and for the reaction videos, I just haven’t quite figured it out yet. I’m not good at this technical stuff, but give me time. I will.

What is an easy way to do something nice for someone?

Just be there when you can and if you see they need something and you can help, don’t wait for them to ask. Just do it.

What do you love most about your home?

I can get some peace here. Not much, since Ma, the cats, and the dog is here as well and they are all determined to drive me insane, but I can get a little bit.

Imagine you are a professional baseball player. What is your introduction song?

Let’s go with this right here.

What do you have the most photos of on your phone?

Selfies of myself, lots of pics of my fur-baby, Mouthie, and adult pics sent to me by random guys I’ve spoken to online. And by the way, if any random guys want to send me adult pics, feel free.

What motivates you the most?

That stubborn streak in me that hates relying on others, tries to be independent and wants to prove all the haters and doubters wrong.

What reality show would you want to be on?

I’m too old actually, but I’d be interested in doing an older-folks version of The Real World. I guess that they call that Big Brother now, but seven strangers in a house for a few months. I could do that.

What vegetable is best with cheese?

Broccoli is the only thing I can think of.

What’s your favorite James Bond film?

I was never a big James Bond fan, so far as the movies go, but if I had to choose, just for the name, Octopussy!

What kind of humor makes you laugh?

If it’s dark, sick, twisted, totally inappropriate, vile, and just plain wrong, I’ll probably be laughing my ass off at it. I like stupid too, which explains most of my past relationships. sighs

Imagine you could teleport anywhere. Where would you go right now?

Right now? The Men’s Dorm at St. Andrews University. I need a sexy man booty-call.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And if you’re a sexy guy, preferably local, I wasn’t kidding about adult pics or a booty call either. Call me. Until the next time, take care and be good, my friends. I’ll see you on the next go-round.

Ubuntu!