Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #7
Random Twitter Q&A
March 8, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter timeline. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What’s the single best “Rap” song you can think of?

A very simple, but awesome little ditty by the great Doug E. Fresh and Slick Rick. When I hear the term, “Six Minutes! Six Minutes! Six Minutes Doug E. Fresh and you’re on!”, I think of this song. This is called, “The Show!”

Should John Fetterman be forced to resign? Also is it weird his wife isn’t near him in the hospital and went to Canada?

It’s obvious that Fetterman isn’t capable of performing his duties as a United States Senator so yes, he should resign and do it as quickly as possible. As for Morticia and the rest of the Addams clan going to Canada, they’re a very strange and weird bunch. Something definitely isn’t right there.

What movie can always make you laugh no matter how many times you’ve seen it?

Any of the Kevin Smith movies can do this for me. Just throw Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, aka Jay & Silent Bob, in front of a camera and my frown automatically turns upside down. It doesn’t matter if it’s Clerks, Clerks 2, Mallrats, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Jay & Silent Bob Reboot, Chasing Amy, or Dogma. Snootchie Bootchies is always a good thing to see.

Would you rather watch golf or tennis on TV?

What? Paint drying or my cat licking itself isn’t an option? Of the two, I prefer probably golf. I just pretend it’s an Adam Sandler movie. “The price is wrong, bitch!”.

What Celebrity would you get into a car with no questions asked if they randomly showed up in your driveway?

I won’t even get into a car with my Mom or my best friend/bro-son with no questions asked, so a person I only know by name or face, even if he/she is a celebrity isn’t going to happen. Okay, Juventud Guerrera or Johnny Depp, but other than those two, it isn’t going to happen.

Using ONE word, why do you think 76% of Americans are overweight?

Food!

Describe the most annoying person at the gym.

How the hell would I know? Look at my fat (but sexy) ass. Do I look like I go to the gym? I might go to people-watch or see a live wrestling event as I did this past Saturday night, but a gym enthusiast, I am not. I guess it would be the sexy guy doing the squats who says, “Don’t look at me!”. That could be pretty annoying.

Is it okay to be white?

I would hope so. It’s not like a person has any choice in the matter as to what their skin color or race is and it doesn’t matter anyhow. Just try and be a decent person. Yeah, I’m white and I’m proud that I’m a semi-decent person with respect, manners, a lot of sarcasm, and a dark-ass sense of humor. The skin color really shouldn’t matter though, although if those bills pass to give reparations to the blacks in San Francisco, nearly 5 million dollars for each person because of slavery, even though they’re not slaves and California wasn’t even a slave state, I’ll be identifying as a black man from California. I”m not big on the race stuff, but hell, this brother needs to get paid!

What is your favorite part of your home city?

St. Andrews University. A beautiful college campus with a lot of great people and even more great memories. If those walls could talk. Oh, wait, if those walls could talk, I probably wouldn’t be allowed on the campus. Some amazing memories of some wild times in days past. Damn, I need to go work at that college and be a DM.

Should parents have to get to know teachers more before they leave their kids with them for eight hours a day?

Yes, I would say that knowing the person responsible for caring for and teaching your children is probably a good idea.

What’s the first word you think of when you see Jon Stewart?

Dork!

Do you have a tattoo of your favorite sports team?

Nope, I do not. But truth be told, I am probably at some point going to get a tattoo of the symbol of excellence, The Four Horsemen, one day. Diamonds are forever and so are the Horsemen.

Do you like cornbread?

Is a baby-diaper toxic? Do customers ask stupid questions? Does pollen burn the nose and eyes? Of course, I like cornbread. Anything else would be un-American.

Do you think open carry should be legal in all 50 states?

Yes.

Why are you still single?

Truthfully, I’m a weird guy who won’t let anyone in to get too close, which is a shame because I’m also a sexy beast, a great cook, funny, honest albeit sarcastic as hell, and great at doing nasty things when properly motivated. I’d be a great catch for any guy, but I refuse to give up my wrestling, weird musical tastes, cats, or comic books. It takes a lot to break through these walls, but if the right guy ever comes along, and doesn’t end up being stupid and going to jail, we’ll make something happen. Until then though, single I’ll probably always remain.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And if you’re a hot guy with sexy eyes and a great ass who wants to see if you can remove the singleness aspect of my life, give me a shout too. I absolutely want to hear from you. I’m lonely. So that wraps this one up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the grass fields.

Ubuntu!