Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #14
Random Twitter Q&A
March 16, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Who is the greatest Dentist of all time?

The first name that came to mind was Ernie, the Christmas elf from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, the classic show we all watch every year. But then I remembered The Little Shop of Horrors and thought about this guy. And here you go.

Is there any product that you swear by?

How about Jack Daniels? It’s always a fine product to drink and enjoy and when all the people have vanished and gone away, Jack will always be there by your side, offering solace and comfort. Hey, I work in a liquor store. What did you expect me to say? Spaghetti-O’s?

What was your “I’m officially an adult” moment?

It’s hard to say because even now, I spend more time in denial than acknowledging that I’ve gotten older and grown. But that being said, maybe when I was given the position of store manager for Dairy Mart down in Wilmington and I had to not only move to a city far from my home but hire and supervise an entire store full of people as well. It was an interesting time in my life, but I learned and grew so much. I also met some amazing people who turned out to be lifelong friends. So let’s go with that.

Ever have one of those moments where you just bust into a Harry Belafonte day-o song?

I am often prone to suddenly, without warning or advance notice, bursting out in song. Usually, it’s more Sinatra, Waylon, or Alice, but I will admit that “Day-O” has happened once or twice. I’m a big fan of musicals and if more people would just start randomly singing for no reason, this world would be a better place. It’s true!

You can only keep 3. Makeup, coffee, equality, home deliveries, social media, central heating, therapy, alcohol. What are your three?

Equality, Social Media, and Alcohol. I probably should have said therapy since I most likely need some, but with alcohol and social media, who needs a shrink, right?

What didn’t win an Oscar that you really wanted to see take an award home?

Kevin Smith should have won an Oscar for Clerks 3 for Best Writer, Best Director, and Best Original Screenplay. And Clerks 3 should have won Best Picture. It made my allergies act up a bit and get teary-eyed. But aside from that huge oversight from The Academy, I could care less.

Are You A Pureblood?

Nope, I’m about as mutt and half-breed as they come.

Should The View be canceled?

I’ll probably surprise everyone with this answer, but no. Yes, all of the cackling liberal hens currently on the show should be fired, kicked out of the building, and barred from television forever, but the original concept of the show, when it was created by Barbara Walters, wasn’t all that bad. It has just been twisted, warped, and turned into a total shit show now, especially after Walters was forced to leave, but the concept, in general, with new hosts and new management, could still be entertaining and work. Just burn everything to the ground as the show currently is and start over brand new.

What is the secret to getting the shell off hard-boiled eggs?

What I’ve always done is make sure that you boil them long enough and add some salt to the boiling water as the eggs cook. It works well for me.

When did putting your money in the bank become risky? What country are we living in?

We are living in America, as ran and controlled by crooked politicians who care only about power and control and despise/hate the American people. Yeah, we’re led by the Democratic party. We’re fucked!

If you could only watch one movie or television show for the rest of your life, what would it be?

That’s a hard one because I rarely watch TV as it is, but my interests and choices are pretty diverse and it all depends on my mood/state of mind as to what interests me at any given moment. Just one show or movie? Damn! Let’s go with Sesame Street. You can’t go wrong with muppets, right?

Are you a good dancer?

I’m a white boy so I have no rhythm at all. I’m also fat and only have one leg so that might be a slight issue when it comes to shaking my booty as well. So I’ll say that while the spirit is willing, reality says that dancing probably wouldn’t be my strongest talent or skill. So no, I’m not a good dancer.

If blackface is wrong why is woman-face acceptable?

That’s a good question. Men, by dressing as women, are demeaning and insulting women and being disrespectful. Supporting men dressing as women, but protesting people wearing blackface is 100% hypocritical to the max. It’s either all or nothing and anyone who thinks differently is an absolute booger.

Do you want to mobilize our military along our southern border to stop the illegal immigrant invasion that’s currently happening?

Well, either that or build a wall while enforcing the laws currently in the books regarding illegal aliens and trespassing. Regardless of what it takes, the flow of illegals, along with the drugs and human trafficking at the U.S./Mexican border needs to be brought to a halt. Hell, just shoot them if they’re caught sneaking into the country and send the bodies back. That would slow things down. Whatever it takes.

And there you go. Another edition of Questions (Not) By Casper in the books. My thanks to all my Tweeting Peeps for the great questions. And with that, it’s time to go. Thanks for reading. Take care and stay well, my friends. And I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!