Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #15
Random Twitter Q&A
March 16, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What’s the most nerve-racking food to cook?

Around this house, cooking any food is a nerve-wracking experience. You have a dog constantly under your feet, staring up at you and whining. You have two cats that will walk through the kitchen many times, and you have to chase off the counters and then re-wipe the stove and counters after they’ve come through to keep things relatively clean. You have a voice from the other room who sniffs loudly and is yelling out questions and inquiries from the room as to what you’re cooking, why, and what they would do differently. And the phone will ring at least once, regardless of the time of day or night. Yes, this is the world in which I live and nothing is easy. If I’m planning to cook, I have to wait until everyone is gone/asleep, and work quickly. That’s why microwave and pre-cooked meals that can be thrown in the oven with no preparation are so good. I hate this fucking place!

What would be the scariest movie scene to live through?

In the scene from the Wizard of Oz where Glinda asks Dorothy, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch!”, and then the Munchkins start popping up everywhere. Those damn munchkins give me the creeps and about the second or third lollipop guild mini-me pops up, I’d start losing it.

What instantly calms you down?

My bed. Well, that and my cat, Mouthie. He’s nerve-wracking, as I explained above, but when he wants to be sweet and realizes that I’m about to lose, he’ll jump up, lay his paw on my hand, and do the purr thing as he rubs his head under my chin. He’s a good boy and if I didn’t have him, I probably wouldn’t be here now. True story.

Who is the greatest Steve of all time?

I was going to say my late brother, Steve, but as I’ve learned recently and always kind of suspected, he was not a good person. I love him and miss him, but I don’t like him very much. So the greatest Steve? Let’s go with Steve Miller of the Steve Miller Band. After all, he was a joker, a smoker, and a midnight toker who often used the aliases Space Cowboy and Maurice.

What’s better? Cold Fried Chicken or Cold Pizza?

Some cold fried chicken would be really good right now, but I’ll still say the cold pizza. Damn, I need to eat some breakfast.

What is your favorite salad topping/dressing?

Thousand Island. Accept no substitutes.

What’s the most horrifying tool of war humans have used against other humans?

Trust and the lack thereof. There is nothing worse than being betrayed or lied to by someone who you thought was a friend or ally. And yes, that counts to me as a tool of war. It’s either that or Agent Orange. I’ve seen the documentaries and read the stories.

When was the last time you got angry?

About an hour ago. I TRIED to clean out a plastic container to store things in but was interrupted by a dog, two cats, a family member, a text, and two phone calls, all in about fifteen minutes. I did finally get it done, but I was so pissed off and my nerves were/are shattered. That’s why I’m writing now, to calm myself and find my balance once more.

What’s the best type of cookware to use?

I have no idea. All of our cookware is mixed and matched from various places over the years and if there’s a name or particular brand that is more prevalent than others, I have no freaking idea.

If parents were only allowed to have two kids, would you exist?

I’m the youngest of five raised by my parents so I guess that would mean a big no.

How often do you grocery shop?

As needed. I go to the Food Lion at least three times a week, usually for cat treats and drinks. I only do big-money shopping if I have some particular reason or want a certain item.

If you had the job that you wanted to have as a teenager, what would you be doing now?

I would either be a writer, a wrestler, or a television weatherman. But the irony is that now, I write about wrestling. No luck with that weather thing yet, but two out of three ain’t bad!

Fentanyl dealers that are caught selling to children should get a fast-tracked death sentence to make an example of them and to prevent more people from doing the same thing in the future. Yes or no?

Absolutely. I’ve lost many people I cared for due to that Fentanyl garbage and I have a couple of others that I know are doing that stuff, but haven’t been claimed by The Reaper yet, but I know that phone call is coming. It’s nothing but poison and murder to sell and deal that crap and if it was up to me, every dealer or distributor of Fent would be put to death, no questions asked. Just shoot the bastards repeatedly until they die or bleed out. Drug dealers and pedophiles deserve no mercy. Just kill the bastards already. ‘Nuff said!

Which food are you choosing: Mexican, Chinese, or Italian?

So you’re asking Taco Bell, Golden Run, or making spaghetti? I would prefer Chinese myself, but to keep my family happy, they always want Taco Bell so that’s probably what we’d end up with. As for spaghetti, that would be nice, but who the hell can afford ground beef these days to make spaghetti sauce? I know I can’t. Damn!

If you were arrested, what’s the first thing that people would think it’s for?

Threatening a Government official. Well, either that or pulling the tags off a mattress. Either is likely, but my comments to the corrupt politicians and stupid, woken morons who keep trying to destroy our world, country, and lives, are not threats. That’s just the truth! Idiots!

And there you go. We’re done here. My thanks for reading and putting up with me. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And now, I’m gone. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you on the other side.

Ubuntu!