Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #24
Random Twitter Q&A
March 27, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Before I get started, I had a question in my last edition of Questions (Not) By Casper about whether is it possible for a woman to be a rapist. I did my answer and my best friend, the Infamous One, after reading my reply, sent me a video. And well, now you know. Thank you, brother! And now let’s move on.

Are you more of a Hard Taco person or Soft Taco person?

I like the crunch between my teeth as a munch down on the goodness of meat, beans, lettuce, and cheese. Hard shell for sure for me.

What is the most special gift you have received?

I’ve had people present themselves to me wearing nothing but a ribbon for my birthday, thank you Danny, and that was pretty cool, but the most special and best gift was a small black kitten with gold flakes in her fur, brought to me by a very special lady not long after Stinky, my baby of 19 years, had passed away. Miss Sue decided that I was lonely and needed a cat and so she brought me one. And Goldy was my baby for many years until a bout with kitty cat leukemia took her from me. Miss Sue was right and Goldy was an incredible fur baby. And I’ll forever be grateful for the time that she was part of my life.

What is #1 on your bucket list?

Either being a bit-part character in a movie written and directed by Brent, a very talented and creative friend of mine who lives up in CT, or taking part in a pro wrestling angle with some of my friends where I get to cut a short promo and get involved somewhat, maybe by hitting someone with my prosthetic or slipping a foreign object to someone in that ring to help them win their match. Nothing fancy because I’m too old and fat for the physical stuff, but just a small spot to make a quick impact and get some heat.

Which book are you currently reading?

Right now, I’m reading a story on FanFiction.net called A Vampire In Gotham II. It’s a Batman and Dracula crossover story and so far, it’s pretty damn good.

If you could place any object on Mars, purely to confuse NASA scientists, what would it be?

An album by David Bowie and a press kit about Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars. Let’s see them try to explain that.

Good Times or Sanford and Son?

Good Times was some good times for me, but Redd Foxx and Sanford & Son was definitely a groundbreaking television series and is my favorite of the two. Esther and Fred were incredible and so funny.

What’s your favorite card game to play?

Either Solitaire so I don’t have to deal with other people or UNO so I can kick some card ass. Either/or.

Was your life better under President Trump?

I think that everyone’s life was better, but some people are just too angry and ignorant to admit it. So yes, my answer is yes, it was better and will get even better when he returns to office in 2024.

If you could start a brand new wrestling promotion with only five active wrestlers from any company in the world, who would you choose?

How did this wrestling question get thrown in here? Well, we would need more than five wrestling to run a promotion, but I’m assuming that this would be kind of like what Tony Khan did with AEW and his partners, The Elite and Cody Rhodes. So who would my EVPs be to both wrestle and help me recruit other talents for my promotion? Active wrestlers? How about Matt Hardy, Matt Cardona, Nick Aldis, Mickie James, and Heath Miller.

If porn is free speech…then people should be able to walk the streets butt-naked without getting arrested for indecent exposure…right?

Nope, not so quick. While I personally have no problem with people being as naked as they desire, there is a thing called decency and respect for others. If you want to make porn or participate in porn, then so be it. Go for it. But where you show that porn and to who, that’s where the problems come in. Children should not be exposed to porn, strippers, drag queens, or bare asses in their faces. Children, those under the age of 18, are NOT legally adults and shouldn’t be exposed or exploited before they’re able to make a choice about it in a proper and informed manner. Let the kids be kids for as long as they can because once that’s lost, there isn’t any getting it back. Use some common sense and have some self-respect and decency and keep the stuff that’s for adults only with adults only, at home, and between adults only.

You just got handed a free $25 gift card to Starbucks, what is your order?

I don’t drink coffee and have never been to Starbucks in my life, nor do I have any desire to do either so I’d just give that gift card to my favorite coffee drinker, Miss Anna. And then I’d go get an Mt. Dew Zero for myself. a Monster for my bro, Propel for the two mini-me’s and everyone would be happy.

Are hot dogs sandwiches or not?

A piece of meat slapped between two buns. That’s either a sandwich or a good time with a friend off of GRINDR. So I would say yes.

How many languages do you know how to speak?

I speak English fluently, plus I used to live/work in Robeson County so I can speak Lumbee. I took two years of Spanish in High School and one year of Latin so I know a few words of both of those languages. I used to hang out with a couple of Japanese girls back in the day, Wakana and Nobuko, so I can do a few words of Japanese. And I can cuss like a sailor and get pretty profane rather quickly so there’s that too. Oh yeah, I can speak cat too. My babies talk to me every day. So there you go with seven, I think.

If you lived in a film universe, which one would you pick?

I’d live in the View-Askew film universe of Kevin Smith, where I’d be a strange old sarcastic dude that just shows up randomly, makes a crude remark or sexual innuendo, and then vanishes, much like I often do here in the real world. It would be awesome, just like your boyfriend was.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that being said, I think it’s time to call it a night. I’m fixing to go watch the movie, Can’t Stop The Music, starring the Village People, Bruce Jenner, and Steve Guttenberg. Thank goodness for Tubi. Take care and be well, my friends and I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!