Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #39
Random Twitter Q&A
April 11, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Someone offers you 75k cash to quit your job immediately. Are you taking it?

Damn, straight I am. I love my current job and work with some amazing people, but that’s a lot of money and if I didn’t take it, I’d be a damn idiot. My mama didn’t raise no fool. Show me the money!

Who is the greatest Boss of all time?

My current boss at ABC, Mr. Bill. In all seriousness, this guy knows his job, looks out for his people, and is a great friend as well as a good leader. He won’t ask anyone to do anything that he won’t do first and goes out of his way to make sure we’re comfortable and doing well. This will mean nothing to the people reading this, but Mr. Bill, Billie Joe, and Jimmy Lee. I’ve had some good ones and those three are three of the absolute best.

What band or artist did you despise, but then finally realized they made music you enjoy years later?

Easy answer here. Kanye West. I still think he’s an absolute idiot as a person and has major mental issues, but I’ve heard some of his music and it’s not too shabby.

Name something you might find in a cave.

Batman.

What’s the best comeback that works against ANY insult?

I’m old-fashioned, kind of childish, and prefer to stick to the basics. Either “Your Mama”, or “I know I am, but what are you?” are two of my favorites. I call them the Pee Wee specials. And if they don’t work, just go with the classic, “Fuck you!”. That one usually works as well.

Have you ever drunk straight from the garden hose?

Many times. I grew up in the good generation where we had lives and did things as kids rather than just sit in front of a phone or computer all day.

What would happen if you used foul language in front of your parents?

When I was a kid, I’d get “the look” and maybe a warning, but now that I’m older, I tend to sprinkle profanity into my language quite frequently and no one says a word. They know it’s a lost cause.

Has anyone saved your life?

Truthfully, yes. I’m not naming names, but those that have been there to encourage me, be supportive when I was in a really bad place with no hope or will to continue, who continue to check on me every so often to make sure I’m okay, etc. I’ve always had a problem with anxiety and depression and these past few years have been the worst. But some make me keep on with positive reinforcement and just by being there when I need them, they’ve made all the difference. So there you go. And my cat, Mouthie. He loves me too for some reason and won’t let me be down or do anything stupid. Damn cat lol.

If you could only watch films starring the same actor for the rest of your life, which actor would you pick and why?

Johnny Depp would be the man. After all, with Depp, you get to see pirates, vampires, human walruses, detectives, movie directors, and probably any other type of character you can think of. I can’t think of a role he hasn’t played yet and all the movies are good and entertaining as well. Yeah, Depp is the man.

What’s a great song that mentions doctors, nurses, medicine, or cures?

My first thought was Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue, but then I remembered this Alice Cooper classic talking about his time in the Nut House and a lovely lady in white named Nurse Rozetta. So here you go.

If every person in America had to sit down and watch one movie together. What movie would you choose?

Didn’t we all do that back in the 70s with the mini-series, Roots? One movie for everyone? How about Mel Brooks’ classic Blazing Saddles? Works for me.

Do you like to fold your pizza slice when you eat it?

Nope, I just aim the point toward my mouth, take a bite, and chew. Repeat as needed.

How tall are you without describing it with feet, inches, or the metric system?

I am the same height as an average refrigerator or the standard couch turned up on its side. I and the standard step-ladder are comparable in height, just as I would be with an average Golden Retriever standing on its hind legs.

Would you rather go to an intimate birthday party for someone you don’t know or organize a huge party for a close friend?

I’d much rather not go to either if possible. I’d probably pick the large party though because, even though I get anxious and hate large crowds, more than three people, I could show up, acknowledge my friend, and leave. With the small and intimate setting, it’s not quite as easy to get away and I’d end up hurting someone’s feelings or being rude. But truthfully, let everyone else enjoy the party. I’ll just send a text and be done with it.

Steak And Eggs or Chicken And Waffles?

I’ve never actually had chicken and waffles together. I’ve heard about it of course, but never actually tried it. But I have done the steak and eggs combination a few times and it’s pretty decent. Let’s go with that one.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, or any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap this up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!