Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #41
Random Twitter Q&A
April 12, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Have you ever beaten someone up?

Once or twice. I used to be a bit of a crazy-ass with a temper and well, shit happened. But now I’m older and I don’t do fights anymore. Better to just shoot them and be done with it.

What movie is playing on repeat in your Hell?

Probably Dirty Dancing. Don’t get me wrong. I like the movie, but only every once in a while. Baby acts, well like a baby and I just want to smack her. And the songs get stuck in the head, it’s torture.

What food do you think has no reason to exist?

What is the purpose of blue cheese dressing? It’s disgusting and coming from me, that’s saying something.

What is the dumbest death in comic book movie history?

If you were talking about the comics themselves, I’d probably say when Jim Wilson died of AIDS. I understand the reasoning for the death and it was a great issue of The Incredible Hulk, but it seemed like a waste to me. But the question says “movie” and I can’t think of any totally stupid MCU or DC movie deaths. The Black Widow’s death, I guess. Diving off a mountain to get an Infinity Stone. It was a noble sacrifice, but I didn’t like it.

Who is the greatest Patrick of all time?

SpongeBob SquarePants’ best friend, Patrick. He gets my vote.

San Diego is not available, what is the greatest city of all time?

San Diego is NOT the greatest city of all time. It’s in California, which is arguably the worst state of all time in the United States so it can’t be in the running for the greatest city. So what is the greatest city? For me, it was Wilmington, NC. I had a great two years living there, met some amazing people, and will probably go back before I leave the mortal coil. I liked that place.

Feeding your kids meat is child abuse. Yes or no?

Not feeding them meat is child abuse and stupid. My kids, if I had any, would be meat-loving carnivores, just like dear old Dad. Now where are my burgers at?

What are your thoughts on UConn defeating San Diego St?

Damn, how long has this question been sitting in my inbox? I have no thoughts because I don’t care.

What is the strongest childhood memory you have?

Nothing comes to mind. That was a long time ago. Okay, I got it. Going to the NC Zoo with my next-door neighbor, Shelley Nowell, and her family. I think I was maybe 7 years old. It was a great time. I got to see the otters.

Do you think of Connecticut when you think of basketball?

If I’m thinking of Connecticut, I’m thinking of Brent and Russ, two amazing men that I met many years ago in Wilmington, NC, who just happened to be from that state. If I think of basketball, I think of Dean Smith and the UNC Tarheels, as I should.

You’re sitting awake looking at your phone late at night and your lock app says your front door just unlocked: What are you doing?

I pull out a gun and get ready to light someone’s ass up.

What are your preconceived notions about Marilyn Monroe?

That she was kind of naive, that she was sexually abused and manipulated by many men in her lifetime, and that the Government had her killed to protect The Kennedys.

What are your thoughts on Richard Nixon?

A great President who excelled at foreign affairs, but had issues with paranoia and was a micro-manager type. I also think he was very intelligent, but also very repressed.

What do you deserve reparations for?

Nothing that I can think of. Yeah, there have been some tough times over the years and I’ve been discriminated against because of my race, my fat belly, being gay, etc. But that’s life and I’m not blaming others and their stupidity for my problems and issues. I accept responsibility for my life and I’ve dealt with things, made adjustments, and moved on as every adult should instead of trying to play the victim all the time. Now if those idiots in California start giving out five million bucks to black people because of slavery despite not a single one of them having ever been a slave, then forget anything that I said earlier. I’m going to identify as a black resident of San Francisco and demand my slave check and if I don’t get one, I’ll file a lawsuit. Isn’t that how it all works these days? I’m sure that if I thought hard enough and wanted to play the victim, I could find a reason to get reparations, but to be honest, I think the whole thing is just stupid as hell.

What celeb would you have loved to invite to the prom? Has to be someone famous when you went to high school.

That would have been 1984-85. Who would I want for a prom date? How about Samantha Fox? I wasn’t out yet then and she was everyone’s dream slut-girl. Her poster was on my wall, along with Alice Cooper of course, and she was the one saying that “naughty girls need love too!”. Yeah, let’s go with that.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, it’s time to call it a night. It’s 6:00 am and I need some sleep. Stay safe and be well, my friends. Have a great day and I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!