Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie:
Otters, Secret Lovers & Puddles
April 14, 2023
DougMaynard.com

So what do you do when it’s too wet to go riding anywhere and you’ve already written a wrestling prediction column, two editions of the Ultimate Wrestling Q&A, two editions of Questions (Not) By Casper, watched a movie (Yahoo Serious), and taken a nap? I could go wash clothes, but that involves moving crap off the washer, plus going to my room to gather up the dirty clothes. If I go to my room, I’ll most likely end up taking another nap. That bed is so damn comfy. I just need a good man to share it with. Any applicants?

What was I saying? Oh yeah, I’ve already had a productive day, but in the words of Bill Goldberg, “Quit crying, Bret!”. Oops! Wrong words. How about, “Who’s next?”. Don’t call the grammar police. I know that’s not proper english. I’m a writer, damn it. Not an English Majo… never mind. So what was I saying again?

I’ve done a lot today, but I need to do more. I’m bored. So how about A Day of Dougie. Sure, why the hell not? It’s been a while, but drawing random topics from a bag and then trying to write about that topic, with no prior knowledge or preparation is always fun. It can be insightful, creative, or absolute bullshit at it’s finest, and sometimes all of the above, but never boring. Well, usually not boring, but there have been a few stinkers in there over the years. That’s the risks we take. So yeah, A Day of Dougie it is. Let’s get the Magic Bag, pull out three random topics, and get to work. So are you ready?

And we’ve got the Magic Bag. I need three topics of discssion for discussing and so I’m reaching into the bag. And what are the Topics of Discussion for today’s attempt at a literary masterpiece? We have Otters, Secret Lovers, and Puddles. Oy vey! Note what I said about a possible literary masterpiece? I don’t think this will be the one. I’ll do my best, but I’m not feeling very positive right now after seeing those topics. But whatever. I’m now committed (or probably should be). So in the words of the great Circle K philosophers, Bill & Ted, “All we are is dust in the wind, dude!”. Let’s do this.

Otters

Damn, those things are cute. I remember, when I was 8 years old, going to the NC State Zoo with my neighbors to see the lions, elephants, giraffes, wolves, and so many other animals. And my favorite, the furry little rat-like creatures who were playing in the water in their fixture and just running around, back and forth. They were awesome. And I wanted one.

I didn’t get one though, not then, and not in many years that have passed since then. That’s probably a good thing though because the process of caring for an otter would be far more than I could handle. Picture having a rat, but needing running water, rocks, fish-heads, and clams to keep them happy. I don’t think so. But they’re still cute as hell though, which leads me to another definition of an otter. Yes, I’m going there. You had to know I would.

According to the Urban Dictionary, an otter is a gay man who is very hairy all over his body but is smaller in the frame and weighs considerably less than a bear. So a tiny, fuzzy human. Now that sounds like something I could handle. I still want myself an otter, but not the four-legged one. Are any of the two-legged varieties available? Call me.

Secret Lovers

This is one that everyone is probably familiar with, sneaking around with someone to enjoy the pleasure of their company and keeping it secret for whatever reason from the rest of the world. I could go into a long rant about this one, but I won’t. I’ll just say one thing. Yes, I approve. ‘Nuff said!

Oh yeah, there used to be a great song by the band Atlantic Starr about this topic. The song brings back many memories for me. Those were the days. Here is the song.

Puddles

The first thing that comes to mind is the Clown with the voice of velvet, Puddles Pity Party. He’s an amazing talent and I’ll put a video of him singing with this post. Here you go.

But there are other puddles. Right after a long, hard rain, puddles of water would cover the yard and road, just waiting to be jumped and splashed in. And guess what? When I was a kid, that’s exactly what I would always do. Yes, I Know. Shocking! I never met a puddle I didn’t like. I don’t do it anymore because I hate wet socks and don’t want my foot to rust, but back in the day, puddles of water were my friends. Great memories and great times. Mom would always get so frustrated and angry. Oh well, my bad!

And there you go. My thanks for reading and joining me on this epic mission of discovery and insight. So what do you think? Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Also, any ideas for new topics to add to the Magic Bag and hopefully write about someday are also welcome and appreciated. My therapist says that they’re good for me and I’m getting much better and everything helps. So does that nice padded room with the pretty little vest that allows me to hug myself. It’s nice.

But anyhow, again, thank you for reading. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the funny farm. Remember, who loves you, baby. Me, that’s who. Take care and make sure to always make every day a special day, a Day of Dougie. Ask for rates. You’ll be glad you did.

Ubuntu!