Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #62
Random Twitter Q&A
May 7, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

What is that one dream of yours that seems unattainable?

Waking up next to Juventud Guerrera and discovering that $125,000,000 has been added to my bank account. I keep hoping, but neither of those things has happened yet. Instead, it’s waking up next to my cat and my bank account is looking bleak, damn it!

What’s something that you always overeat?

Potato Chips. It’s hard to stop at just one.

Can gays be conservative?

Well, I am so at least one gay man can have common sense and be conservative. I know I’m not the only one though.

Who is the greatest TV character of all time?

Kermit the Frog. As for why, he’s Kermit the Frog. What more reason do you need?

What’s the best color/finish/design for fingernails?

I always bite mine off so I couldn’t tell you.

Is it racist if someone says the N-word while rapping lyrics to a song?

Only if it’s a white person saying that word. For anyone else, it’s okay. But if you’re white, then simply being alive and breathing is racist. No matter what we may do, it’s white privilege and oppressing people of color. If you don’t believe me, just watch the news or look at Twitter. You’ll see.

Where do you think it’s easier to meet women, Florida or Pennsylvania?

I guess one would be about the same as the other, but why would I be wanting to meet women? What part of gay boy don’t y’all get already?

Will we ever know the afterlife without dying in the first place? Will scientists ever discover what’s beyond our death?

Most likely they already have, but are keeping it under wraps. Science is an amazing thing.

What’s your sign?

Beware of Doug… Just a Beware of Dog sign with a special warning for “U”. I bite!

What’s fair in a fight?

If it’s an organized sporting event, then there are rules and regulations to adhere to, but in a real-life fight, anything goes. The objective is to kick ass and not get ass kicked, so whatever it takes, so be it. Just win.

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve seen or heard of someone injecting into their bodies?

I’ve heard of many things, but the dumbest I’ve ever seen in person was heroin. An old acquaintance of mine was a heavy druggie and used to shoot up regularly. It was sickening to see and I often wondered how such a cool & smart dude could be so stupid. He’s dead now after an OD. Very sad!

Have you ever made your sauce? What kind?

I’m not going to use the answer that first came to mind. I’ll spare y’all the sexual innuendo and imagery. So let’s just say spaghetti sauce. Hamburger, onions, peppers, Salsa, and tomato sauce, all mixed and simmered for a bit before being poured over egg noodles. It was good!

What’s something new you’ve learned about yourself in the last three months?

I don’t like people much, but I already knew that. But because of that, I learned that I’m perfectly content to go days without any human contact at all. No phone, no text, no in-person visits, nothing. Just me, my computer, and my two damn cats. That’s all a man needs in life sometimes.

What toppings make the perfect hotdog?

Well, I worked in a store that sold and served hot dogs for over twelve years and our hot dogs, all the way, came with ketchup, mustard, chili, slaw, and onions. That works for me. And the perfect “Rabbit Dog” is a sausage dog with chili, cheese, mustard, and BBQ. Very delicious.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap it up for today. Take care and stay well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!