Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #64
Random Twitter Q&A
May 7, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

What’s one thing many people hate, but you love?

I’m straining my brain, but can’t think of anything that stands out. I’d say wrestling, but WWE does over a billion dollars a year in revenue and has close to five million fans watching their TV weekly so that’s not it. I’ll go with my cat, Mouthie. He’s a little asshole sometimes, just like Daddy, but I love that little mean-ass anyhow.

Did you watch the coronation of King Charles? Is he a good guy or a douchenozzle?

From all I’ve heard of Charles for the past forty-plus years, he’s a piece of human garbage. I watched the wedding of him and Princess Di way back in 1981, but so far as the recent coronation goes, I had better things to do. I had to wash my hair.

Pizza the next day. Reheat it, or eat it cold?

I like it cold. Reheated pizza is nasty, but cold pizza is the bomb.

What’s your favorite Stephen King film adaptation?

Was Cujo by Stephen King? I liked that one and of course, Misery was a fantastic movie. Stephen King is a great writer. Too bad he’s such a douchebag in real life.

What is something everyone does daily if done wrong, that can kill you?

Drive a car, use electronic appliances, cook, and get in my face at work. Any of those actions, if you aren’t careful, can have dire consequences.

What would be the worst song to play at a funeral?

Staying Alive by the Bee Gees. Yeah, I don’t imagine that would go over very well. I’m Still Standing by Elton John might ruffle a few feathers as well.

Who deserves to be king or queen of England more than Charles?

That’s easy. ME! Yes, I understand the whole “British Royal Family” thing, but I wrote and worked for a wrestling website from the UK for over ten years so I can identify as a UK citizen. I’m also better-liked by most people than Charles. Just ask my customers at the ABC Store. They love me. I’m a man of the people who would rock that crown. And since I’m gay, I could play the role of King or Queen, alternating as necessary. All I need is a chance and the United Kingdom would never be the same again. Hey England, call me.

Name a food that you flat-out refuse to eat.

Squash. I just can’t get past the name. Sushi is also just plain disgusting in my opinion. Raw fish and seaweed are not made for eating. Shake and bake that fishie and throw that seaweed away already. I’ll take Mac & Cheese instead.

Why do drag queens not want to read to people living in nursing homes?

That’s easy. Old people tend to be more opinionated and don’t give a damn. Instead of listening to a story, they’ll look at the drag queens and tell them that they’re idiots and to take off that dress and get a damn job. Freaking hippies! And turn that music down too. Get off their lawn.

Who is the greatest Teacher of all time?

I had a teacher in 7th grade, Mrs. Lilian Brower, who was an amazing woman. She taught both English and Social Studies and was so very good at her job. I learned a lot that year, plus she also became a good friend as I got older, before we moved away. She always had time for a lost & distraught13-year old boy, there to listen and offer constructive advice and counsel. She changed my life in many ways. She was what every teacher should aspire to be. It’s true!

Who, that you actually know, could you be conjoined twins with?

I can’t think of anyone. I don’t even like myself sometimes so the thought of being fused and sharing a body with another person, regardless of who they are, doesn’t sound very appealing to me. I can think of a few people I wouldn’t mind conjoining with for a few minutes, but in a permanent, twin-style fashion, hell to the no.

What’s the first thing you’d buy if you won the lottery?

Are we talking about the big, nearly a billion-dollar jackpot, or fifteen dollars off a scratch-off? After paying off any debts and my Mom’s house, getting it fixed up and remodeled for her, my first big purchase for myself would be a small radio station. That way, I’d have a legit studio to do a podcast from, plus I’d have my own WKRP to play with and wreak havoc on the airways. It would be awesome!

What are your favorite songs or albums by Bob Seger?

Bob Seger has always been a huge favorite of mine and I have most of his albums from the 70s, his prime years, as part of my record collection. My favorite song? How about this classic right here, taking that trip to Fire Lake?

If the world as we know it were to end tomorrow, what are two things you would miss?

The Internet and The Muppets.

What’s the best springtime party?

Any party where I and my friends, both of them, can get together, eat, drink, talk, be stupid, and have fun. It doesn’t matter if it’s Spring, Winter, or when it takes place. If it happens, it happens and it’s the best, so far.

And there you go. My thanks to all my Twitter Peeps for the great questions and to you, my faithful readers, for reading this stuff. The numbers for the site continue to be great and that makes me all warm and fuzzy in the belly. Thank you!

And with that, let’s wrap things up for today. Any comments, thoughts, or questions, or if you want to see me as the next King of England, just let me know in the comments or at my e-mail addy of Doug28352@yahoo.com. Take care and stay well, my friends. I’ll see you on the funny pages.

Ubuntu!