A Day of Dougie: Them Folks Ain’t Right (Part 1 of 2)

Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Them Folks Ain’t Right
(Part 1 of 2)
May 10, 2023

What the hell is in the water around here? Was there a full moon that I missed or did some kid have a wacky Broadway nightmare and curse this community? People as of late have been strange. How strange are they? I’m glad you asked. Over the past three days, I have had some encounters with some people and seen some things, it’s even given me the purpose to raise an eyebrow and go, “Hmmmmm!”.

And that’s why we’re here. It’s another very special Day of Dougie where I’m going to give a brief rundown on the oingo-boingo brain-damaged folks that have recently been spotted in my world. I’m getting too old for this shit! And to make it even more fun, there are four people so I’ll split it up into two columns. Two epic encounters per column. Double your pleasure and double your fun. Did I ever tell you about the twins? That’s a story for another day. This is about the past couple of days and the odd behaviors of recent acquaintances. So are you ready for Storytime With Dougie? Let’s do this.

Encounter #1

This first one isn’t so strange as it was just funny. This morning, I decided that I needed to go to Walmart. I also got a haircut while I was out, but my primary focus was Walmart because we needed toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, and chicken nuggets. All the essentials of life, right? And I go to Walmart and I’m wearing a t-shirt that says, “Internet Famous”. No big deal, right?

When I was in the paper towel aisle, trying to figure out the math on those packages. 9 rolls = 525,600 sheets or something of that nature. I think it was common core math. I heard a voice and saw Sean, a guy that I know from work at the liquor store. He saw me and was just saying hi. We spoke for a few minutes and he noticed my shirt and asked, with a smirk, “Internet famous? For what?”.

And without hesitation or missing a beat, I said, “I do gay porn on OnlyFans.” The expression on his face was priceless as his mouth gaped open so I continued. “Handicap porn is popular. This stubby leg (I pointed at my prosthetic leg) turns all the freaks on!”. He just stood there, his face expressionless and then he asked, “You’re kidding, right?”. I smiled and ‘fessed up. “Yeah, the gay porn is just for my own fun. I write a wrestling column and blogs!”. Then I handed him my card for my site, DougMaynard.com.

Well, long story short, we talked for a few more minutes and he gave me his phone number and said, “We need to get up sometime! Have a beer. Have some fun. Maybe do an OnlyFans for real”. Sean promised to get up with me, “on the ‘Book”, and there you go. True story and if it goes any further than this one encounter, I’ll be sure to tell you guys about it in a future Days of Dougie. I doubt it will, but he’s pretty damn cute so… Woof!

Encounter # 2

We had a gentleman come into the store on Monday and I’ve seen him before. He’s a nice guy, friendly, etc., but there was something a little different that night. He had a new haircut. A mohawk. And it was blue. It looked as if a Smurf had climbed up on top of his head and puked their Smurfy little guts out after Smurfsgiving Dinner. An ocean blue that covered every strand of hair on his otherwise bald head.

And then after Sicko Smurf had emptied his stomach, it looked as if they had taken the blue substance and used it to spike up the mohawk like a rooster’s comb. If the dude had stopped in the middle of the store and started crowing, I would not have been surprised. For my wrestling fan readers, just picture if The Red Rooster, Terry Taylor, and The Blue Meanie, from the bWo and ECW, had gotten together and had a love child. That was this guy.

As I said, he’s a nice guy and he was pulling off that mohawk pretty well, but that blue, that damn bright ass shade of blue, just caught me off guard and caught my attention. It didn’t look bad, but outside of my wrestling buddies and the occasional protesters on YouTube and Twitter, it’s just not something you see every day. But now, I can say that I have. And there you go.

And I’m wrapping this up for now. I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow with more stories about the other two odd encounters from this week. The two I just covered were just cool little life stories about two cool dudes and one interesting haircut. The next two? Yeah, they were absolute assholes so be sure to watch out for Part 2, sometime within the next twenty-four hours. You’ll be glad you did.

And with that, let’s close up shop. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Now, it’s time to go fold clothes. Yay! Stay well my friends and I’ll see you at the Tiki Bar. And always remember and never forget, every day is a good day when it’s a Day of Dougie.


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