Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #73
Random Twitter Q&A
May 12, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

If you could start a charity, what would it be?

I spent nearly 14 years working with a Food Bank before medical problems forced me to give it up so that would be one of my top priorities. A place for the kids of our county to gather and hang out would be another project to work towards. There is absolutely nothing in this county where I live for kids to do so a facility with basketball courts, pool tables, video games, dancing, etc., plus tutoring and mentoring by volunteers would be much appreciated around here and is much needed.

What is a toy from the past that kids today probably never heard of?

I was going to say the Big Jim Action Figures, but aside from Jim, even I can’t remember who his team was even though I had all of them. Let’s just say, Stretch Armstrong.

Which of your five senses would you say is the strongest?

Let’s use a process of elimination to figure it out. I only have one good eye so that rules out sight. My hearing is shot to hell and also very selective in what I choose to hear so that’s out as well. I have numbness and no feeling at all in my leg and foot sometimes so touch is gone. And look at the guys I like. Cute, but generally bad news. So that wipes out my taste. So by default, the sense of smell is the winner.

Who’s a great folk hero that many people never even heard of?

We’ve all heard of Johnny Appleseed, Big John, and Willie Nelson, right? But have you ever heard of Butt Naked Man? I’ve heard my friend Brent talk of him and he’s the urban legend that sleeps with women while their husband is away and can often be spotted hanging outside a window, trying to avoid detection when the husband or boyfriend comes home. I think I got that right. I’ll have to call Brent for clarification, but that’s the gist of it.

What is your favorite ’70s horror movie?

A true classic, The Omen.

Would you support drawing a line in the sand at our southern border and having the National Guard shoot anyone that crosses it?

Desperate times call for desperate measures and the flow of illegal aliens storming across our border isn’t going to stop until drastic action is taken. If that means putting a bullet into the criminal offenders, then so be it.

What is the greatest accident of all time?

That would be… ME! I was definitely not expected and a surprise to my parents, but it all worked out for the best and they kept me anyway.

Do you suspect anyone of cheating on their husband and the kids not being their husbands?

I don’t suspect it, but I know of a couple of women who have adorable children that, if you do the math, can not possibly be their spouses as the male person in that relationship was locked up when that baby was conceived. He was in jail and she was just hanging out with “friends” and she ended up pregnant. So what do you think happened?

Would you rather deal with the smell of gas or the smell of dirty ass?

I like ass, but it has to be clean, fresh from the shower, and with a soapy smell lingering around, or else hell to the no, get it away from me. Inhaling too much gas gives me a headache, but I still kind of like it.

If you could book any band, past or present, to play in your backyard, who would it be?

There are so many choices, but given who I’m listening to on the computer even as I write this, the answer is clear. Dr. Hook.

Tell me you know nothing without telling me you know nothing.

My pronouns are… Vote Biden!

What’s something unconventional you’ve used gasoline for?

I’ve used gas as paint remover, to light charcoal in the grill, and to destroy all physical memories of a long relationship that had gone sour.

Do you know someone that doesn’t believe in crying?

I know several people who are too macho to cry in public or let anyone know that they have emotions or feelings. Then they let everything build up until they explode. Very sad! I used to be one of those people, but I’ve learned.

Are you pregnant?

Nope, just fat. Men can’t get pregnant. Believe me, I’ve been trying for years with several guys, and no babies yet. We’ll keep trying though. Woof!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions about anything are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s close up shop for the day. Take care and stay well, my friends. I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!