Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #76
Random Twitter Q&A
May 14, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

What would I most likely find you doing on the weekend?

Sitting in front of this computer, cursing life while listening to old music and answering Q&As or watching horror flicks or wrestling.

Is booty meant to be eaten? Yes or no?

If it’s clean and fresh from the shower and in my face, and he’s a good looking dude, then the answer is yes.

If you go to a girl’s place and she has a pile of clothes in her bed…. Do you care?

No and why should I? It’s not like I’m going to be doing anything on that bed with the girl. Her boyfriend maybe, but we can just move the clothes to the side.

Have you ever ridden a horse? Did you like it?

I have and it was okay. Being on the Merry Go Round for so long made me a little dizzy after a while, but it was still fun.

So, what are you supposed to say after sex?

The money is on the dresser. So why are you still here? Go home!

What is your comfort food?

Summer sausage sliced up and eaten on the Ritz crackers with a little canned cheese on top. It’s delicious.

Would you rather wear the same white T-shirt and jeans for every occasion or always dress in full glamour attire?

I don’t mind dressing up every so often, but not all the time. No thanks. I’ll stick with jeans and a T-shirt.

What is the most unusual place you’ve ever slept in?

I’ve fallen asleep before while standing up in the shower. It had been a long day. But so far as actual sleep, I used to occasionally crash out in the stockroom of a store where I worked. I used the cases of soft drinks laid out as a bed and would catch a few ZZZZs every so often as needed. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked for me.

Is it awkward to see someone going to the movies by themselves?

Nope. I just assume that they want to see the movie and get away from everyone for a while. At least that’s always my excuse.

Has there ever been a business you could go to and ask for “the usual”, and they knew what that meant for you?

Yes. A restaurant named New China. I would call and as soon as Betty, the owner, recognized my voice, she’d confirm my order and tell me, “Ten minutes, okay?”. Every Monday night for over two years without fail. I miss that place.

Would you rather work in retail for Black Friday sales or in a restaurant for Mother’s Day?

I’d rather work in retail, just as I have for the past 40 years. I’m used to it. Working in a restaurant though? I tried and it’s not for me.

If you were forced to participate in a flash dance, what song would you perform to?

Either the song from RENT!, Seasons of Love or the classic from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Time Warp. Here are the videos and either one would be great.

Would you rather make a museum exhibition of your middle school photos or Google search history?

My middle school photos would be boring. My Google history though? That would get some people talking. Probably an investigation from the FBI too. But hell, it’s all good. I’m a writer and it’s all just research, right? So Google me, Daddy.

What’s the weirdest way you have met someone?

I had this guy come to work at the store where I was employed and my manager, when telling me about the guy, told me specifically “Don’t scare him off!” And we met and I trained him and well, I didn’t scare him off. We’ve been best friends since and he’s now my brother in every way but blood.

Would you rather accidentally get locked out of your home or locked in your place of work for the night?

I work in a liquor store. Lock me in and I’ll make due. I’ll be all right.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and questions about anything at all are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you on the funny pages.

Ubuntu!